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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of the child that smelt funny and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Q: How did they know that Jesus was Jewish?A: Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father's business, his motherthought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin.
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Situations Humor
A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collarand is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie anddiscovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, 'Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything. '
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Computers Joke
Computer Ease! The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000: 1. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. 2. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 3. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 4. Press any key except . . . no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE! 5. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test. 6. Close your eyes and press escape three times. 7. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. 8. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game? 9. Windows message: 'Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)' 10. This is a message from God Gates: 'Rebooting the world. Please log off. ' 11. To 'shut down' your system, type 'WIN. ' 12. BREAKFAST. SYS halted. . . Cereal port not responding. 13. COFFEE. SYS missing. . . Insert cup in cup holder and press any key. 14. CONGRESS. SYS corrupted. . . Reboot Washington D. C? (Y/N) 15. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) 16. Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N) 17. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User. 18. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) 19. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER. SYS) 20. User Error: Replace user. 21. Windows VirusScan 1. 0 - 'Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)' 22. Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due. . . 23. If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have security? 24. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
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Kids Puns
Rufus bought his wife Lula-bell a bouquet of twelve long-stemmed roses for her birtday. Lula-bell gave him a big, close, hug and a long, deep, kiss. Then she wispered in his ear 'I guess I'm just gonna spend all night on my back with my legs in the air. 'Rufus thought about it for a minute, then said, 'You don't have to do that, honey. I bought you a vase to put the flowers in. '
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Aviation Joke
An airplane pilot dies at the controls. He goes to Hell. The devil takes him to the 'newly arrived' area. There are three doors, marked '1
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Vampire Joke
Where did vampires go to first in America? New-fang-land.
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Idiot and fool Joke
Did you hear about the Mexican bricklayer who went crazy trying to lay a cornerstone in a roundhouse.
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Instrument Joke
A harp is a nude piano. A Celtic harpist spends half her time tuning her harp, and the other half playing it out of tune. Q: Why are harps like elderly parents?A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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