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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of text to speech fun and other funny jokes |
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School Joke
Are you in the top half of your class ? No, I'm one of the students who make the top half possible !
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School Joke for Kids
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground, when he finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, 'How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way. 'The doc said , 'I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week. 'So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them. She says, 'You are my FIRST, no one has ever touched these breasts. 'He whips down his pants and says. . . ' Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!'
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Funny Kids Joke
What do frogs drink?Hot croako!
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School Joke
Teacher: What a glum face, what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours ?
Pupil: I'd be too polite to mention it !
Teacher: What are you reading ?
Pupil: I don't know
Teacher: But your reading aloud ?
Pupil: But I'm not listening !
Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago ?
Pupil: Me !
Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection ?
Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!
Teacher: How can you prove the world is round ?
Pupil: I didn't say it was !
Teacher: Name two pronouns ?
Pupil: Who ?, me ?
Teacher: What's an American Indian's wife called ?
Pupil: A squaw
Teacher: That's right, and what are their babies called ?
Pupil: Squawkers !
Teacher: Fred, I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting and you've only done it 7 times ?
Pupil: Looks like my counting isn't too good either !
Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing has improved.
Pupil: Thank you
Teacher: Now I can see how bad your spelling is though !
Pupil: The art teacher doesn't like what I'm making ?
Dad: Why is that, what are you making ?
Pupil: Mistakes !
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Fun Funny Joke
On the wedding night of the newly wedded royal couple, they wanted to make sure everything was done according to proper etiquette. So she begins and says, 'Sir, I offer you my honor. 'He replies, 'I honor your offer. 'And that's how it goes all night. Honor, offer. Honor, offer. Honor, offer.
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Silliest Joke
When God created the earth, Adam & Eve, he found he had two baubles left over. He came to Adam & Eve & said, 'I have two things left. One is the gift to piss while standing up. 'Adam got very excited: 'Oh, that would be so great, I would really like that. If I'm out in the fields, I can just go right there. 'So Eve smiled & said, 'Okay, it sounds like he really wants that. ' As Adam tried out his new gift, he asked out of curiousity, 'What was the other gift?''Oh, ' God said, looking, 'Multiple orgasms. '
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Beer: It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore.
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Blind Joke
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind. The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from hea d to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was. The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, 'You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!' The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, 'Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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