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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of tbs very funny texas hold em and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
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Ethnic Joke - 2
There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. 'I'm fine, ' Angus said. 'But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time. ' 'Well, ma laddie, ' says his mother, 'I suggest you don't associate with people like that. ' 'Oh, ' says Angus, 'I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes. '
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Medical Joke
The doctor took Bill into the room and said, 'Bill, I have some good news and some bad news. ' Bill said, 'Give me the good news. ' 'They're going to name a disease after you. '
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Food and Drink Joke
Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question?Johnny: It's because I saw one on daddy's lettuce, but now it's gone.
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Dirty Joke
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist 'Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex. ' A ninety-year-old man was accused of raping a twenty-year-old. 'So, did you do it?' his lawyer asked. 'Of course not, ' the old man replied. 'But I was so flattered, I pleaded guilty. '
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Lawyer Joke
A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with a group of lawyers. The prosecutor felt that it would be an interesting experiment to try a case before a jury of lawyers, and the defense counsel had no objection, so a jury was impaneled. And the trial went very quickly -- after only an hour of testimony, and very short closing arguments, both sides rested. The jury was then instructed by the judge, and was sent back to the jury room to deliberate. After nearly six hours, the trial court was concerned that the jury had not returned with a verdict. The case had in fact turned out to be every bit as simple as he had expected, and it seemed to him that they should have been back in minutes. He sent the bailiff to the jury room, to see if they needed anything. The bailiff returned, and the judge asked, 'Are they close to reaching a verdict?' The bailiff shook his head, and replied, 'You're honor, they're still doing nomination speeches for the position of foreman. '
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Medicine Joke
A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: 'It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering. Patient: Ddddd octttor . Whhaaat cccan I dddo? (Doctor what can I do?)The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing the six inches from the penis and freeing him from this horrible problem. The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment as well as loss of employment that anything would be worth it. The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his check up. Patient: Doctor, the operation was a success. I have not stuttered since the operation. I have a great job and my self esteem is fantastic. However, there is one problem, my wife says that she sort of misses the great sex we used to have before the extra six inches were removed. So I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those six inches. The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and says:I dddoonnn?t ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould bbbbee possssssibbble.
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Cow Joke
What is a moo hoo for steak that came late? Filet delay!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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