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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of tbs very funny poker and other funny jokes |
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Joke Online
Yours was an unnatural birth you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. It's your life -- but I wish you'd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. You're the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you. In the dictionary under the word, 'stupid, ' it says, 'see him. ' We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
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School Joke
Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year? Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February. . . !
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Marriage Joke
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. 'What's up?' he says. 'I'm having a heart attack, ' cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialling. his four-year-old son comes up and says, `Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!' The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor. 'You jerk, ' yells the husband, 'my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!'
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Miscellaneous Joke
Uh. . . top 10 things not to say to a naked man:10: Awww. . . that's cute9. Well, at least you're good at other things8. Do you think it'll fit in my old Barbie clothes?7. My li'l brother has one like that. 6. Are you cold?5. ::giggles::4. Maybe we should just be friends3. Can you make it dance?2. Umm. . . maybe you should get dressed1. Oh. . . look. . . its hiding!
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At Work Joke
A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says, 'Can I help? Have you lost something?''No, ' says one of the doctors. 'We're about to do a heart transplant onan accountant and we're looking for a suitable stone. '
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Kids Joke
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishesat the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had severalstrands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong andmake me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white. The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and thensaid, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
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Internet Joke
Have you seen www. amnesia. com? Sorry, I just can't remember.
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Pig Joke
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, 'This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!' The farmer looked puzzled and replied, 'What's time to a pig?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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