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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of sudan comedy and other funny jokes |
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Funny Men Joke
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
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Bizarre Joke
Yesterday my daughter and I drove to the babysitters house to pick up my two-year old son. We were about to get in the car to go home when I noticed a baby birds in a nest in a nearby bush. I gently picked up one of the birds to show my daughter and my son. 'See? It's a baby, ' I said, trying to calm down my son, who was scared of the little bird. 'I don't want a baby, I don't want a baby, ' he was saying. 'He sounds just like his father, ' my daughter replied!
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Business Joke
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. 'Boss, ' he says, 'we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff. ' 'We're short-handed, Smith' the boss replies. 'I can't give you the day off. ' 'Thanks, boss, ' says Smith 'I knew I could count on you!'
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Stupid Men
What's the definition of a bad date?
He excuses himself to go call the 'little woman. '
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Spank Me!
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Joke for Halloween
Things Not To Say During SexGirls shouldn't say:You woke me up for that? Do you smell something burning? Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant? Sweetheart, did you lock the back door? Now check out our collection of over 100,00 amazing jokesNow check out our collection of over 100,00 amazing jokesNow check out our collection of over 100,00 amazing jokesNow check out our collection of over 100,00 amazing jokesNow check out our collection of over 100,00 amazing jokesNow check out our collection of over 100,00 amazing jokesNow check out our collection of over 100,00 amazing jokesNow check out our collection of over 100,00 amazing jokes Try not to smear my make-up, will ya! Got any penicillin? Smile, you're on Candid Camera! I want a baby! But everybody looks funny naked! Did I mention the video camera? So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies! Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth. . . Did you know the ceiling needs painting? Did I remember to take my pill? That leak better be from the waterbed! I told you it wouldn't work without batteries! But my cat always sleeps on that pillow. . Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed? If you quit smoking you might have more endurance. . . You're almost as good as my ex! Do you know the definition of statutory rape? You look younger than you feel. Perhaps you're just out of practice. You sweat more than a galloping stallion! They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated. What tampon? I have a confession. . . I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home! Did I mention my transsexual operation? Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you! Hic! I need another beer for this please I think biting is romantic- don't you? When would you like to meet my parents? Mabye it would help if I thought about someone I really like? Have you seen 'Fatal Attraction'? Don't mind me. . I always file my nails in bed. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light? Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper. . . I'll bet you didn't know I work for 'The Enquirer'. So that's why they call you MR. Flash! Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise. . . -------------------------------Guys shouldn't say:A little rug burn never hurt anyone! (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour! Can you please pass me the remote control? Do you accept Visa? On second thought, let's turn off the lights. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend! Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober. . . (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo! Do you get any premium movie channels? But I just brushed my teeth. . . I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs! I think you have it on backwards. When is this supposed to feel good? Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs! You're good enough to do this for a living! Is that blood on the headboard? Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere? I wish we got the Playboy channel. . . No, really. . . I do this part better myself! It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate! This would be more fun with a few more people. . . That you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes? Now I know why he dumped you. . . Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun? Have you ever considered liposuction? And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner! What are you planning to make for breakfast? Are those real or am I just behind the times? Were you by any chance repressed as a child? You'll still vote for me, won't you? I really hate women who actually think sex means something! I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about. . . A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time! Does this count as a date? You can cook, too right? Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it! My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer! Is this a sin too? I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain! Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn? Long kisses clog my sinuses. . . How long do you plan to be 'almost there'? You mean you're NOT my blind date?
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Letter Joke
Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters? She had never learned to spell properly.
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Horse Joke
How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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