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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of strange wilderness movie and other funny jokes |
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Computer Joke
Q: Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) ROUND 3) RANDOM 4) On a Pentium, all of the above A: Number 4.
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School Joke
Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, 'Would you like me to be your friend?' The girl hesitated, then said, 'Okay, ' looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, 'Why are you standing here all alone?' 'Because, ' the little girl said with great exasperation, 'I'm the goalie!'
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Elderly People Joke
An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again -- the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation. This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs -- she's coming downstairs, he's heading up. 'Honey, I have a confession to make, ' the woman says, her voice quavering. 'I was about to commit suicide. ' 'I'm glad to hear it, sweetie, ' the man says, 'Because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!'
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Dumb Men Joke
Q: Why do men name their penis?A: They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of theirdecisions.
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Simple Joke
A man goes to the confessional and begins 'Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. ''What is your sin, my son?' the priest asks back. 'Well, ' the man starts, 'I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible. ' 'When did you use this awful language?' asks the priest. 'I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards. ''Is that when you swore?' 'No, Father, ' says the man. 'After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away. ''Is THAT when you swore?' asks the Father again. 'Well, no, ' says the man. 'You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!''Is THAT when you swore?' asks the amazed Priest. 'No, not yet, ' the man replies. 'As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew toward the green. As it passed over a a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball. ''Did you swear THEN?' asks the now impatient Priest. 'No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole. 'The Priest sighs, 'You missed the putt, didn't you?!?'
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Bath Joke
Does your brother keep himself clean? Oh, yes. He takes a bath every month whether he needs one or not.
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Idiot and fool Joke
Mayne and Willard, two idiots, were in a rowboat on a lake fishing. Suddenly the spray from a motorboat racing by flooded their boat. 'How we gonna get the water out?' asked Mayne. 'Easy, ' said Willard. 'We just bore a hole in the bottom of the boat and let the water drain out. ' The men drilled a hole in the bottom, and more water started rushing in. 'Wait a minute!' exclaimed Mayne. 'We need another hole so's the water comin' in through the first one has a place to go back into the lake!'
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Cop Joke
My horoscope read, 'You're going places and you can't be stopped. ' Apparently the cop who gave me a ticket hadn't read it.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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