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injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of strange wilderness and other funny jokes |
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Heaven and hell Joke
St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. 'Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?' 'I was a policeman, ' he responded. 'What kind of policeman?' St Peter asked. 'I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids. ' 'Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates. ' A few moments later a second man walks up. 'Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?' 'I was a policeman, ' he responded. 'What kind of policeman?' St Peter asked. 'I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers. ' 'Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise. ' A few moments later a third man walks up. 'Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?' 'I was a policeman, ' he responded. 'What kind of policeman?' St Peter asked. 'I was a Military Policeman, Sir. ' 'Excellent my son, I have to leave for a bit, watch the gate will you?'
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Relationships Joke
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with anunusual offer. 'Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When youget to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey'and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever, ' I'd appreciateit if you'd just leave that part out. ' He passed the minister a $100bill and walked away satisfied. It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved tothat part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comestime for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says, 'Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you willnot ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?'The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, 'I do. 'Then, he leaned toward the pastor and hissed, 'I thought we had a deal. 'The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, 'She mademe a much better offer. '
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Strange Humor
Caught napping at work, school, or church. . . try this one. Guaranteed to work!Just pick your head up real fast and say:'. . . in JESUS' name. . . AMEN!'(he-he. . . how can they yell at you for this :)ADDENDUM: For some reason, it won't work in a Synagogue?
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Miscellaneous Joke
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and proudly announced to the first man, 'Congratulations, sir. You're the father of twins!''What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins Baseball team!'Later the nurse returned and congratulated the second father on the birth of his triplets. 'Wow! That's incredible! I work for the 3M Corporation. 'An hour later, the nurse returned to congratulate the third man on thebirth of his quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply, 'I don't believe it! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!'After this, everyone turned to the fourth guy who had just fainted. The nurse rushed to his side. As he slowly gained consciousness, they could hear him mutter over and over, 'I should never have taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should never have taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should never have taken that job. . . . '
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Bumper Stickers - 5
I'm leaving my body to science fiction
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War Joke
A young soldier was making his first parachute jump. The corporal explained the procedure 'You count toten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn'topen, pull the second. That should do it. Then, afteryou land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up. 'The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary'Geronimo!' and jumped out of the plane. He counted toten and pulled the ripcord. The chute failed to open. He pulled the second ripcord and the chute still didn'topen. As he plummeted downward, he said, 'I'll bet thatgoddamn truck won't be there either!'
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Redneck Joke
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, 'the bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die. 'The Frenchman says, 'I take ze sword. ' The chief gives him a sword, he says, 'Vive la France!' and runs himself through. The Englishman says, 'a pistol for me, please. ' The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, 'God save the queen!' and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, 'gimme a fork. 'The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, even for a cannibal. He asks, 'My God almighty, what are you doing?'And the New Yorker replies, 'So much for your canoe!'
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Christmas Joke - 1
Father Christmas: All right, my good lady, my face is my ticket. Box office attendant: Then you'd better watch out. . . there's a feller inside who has the job of punching the tickets.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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