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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of strange situation experiment and other funny jokes |
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Humor Joke
All about smoking:Remember, smoking doesnt kill people. People who are trying to quit smoking kill people. One poll says 73% of Americans favor raising the cigarette tax. It's only fair. Since smokers aren't around as long as the rest of us, they should pay more while they're here. I quit smoking once for six days. And then they untied me. Trying to quit smoking can drive you nuts -- especially when you try to light your nicotine gum. Marlboro has a line of outdoor gear for smokers. They recommend you buy it a size larger so paramedics dont have to cut it off of you. The Marlboro clothing is very functional. The denim jacket has electric heart paddles sewn right into the lining, and theres a backpack that can hold a portable respirator. I stopped smoking and extended my life expectancy. My wife is furious.
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Love and Marriage Joke
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop! The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen. How do you do that? Says the other. It's easy! I turn off the light!
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Joke for Speeches
No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored - nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits - nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436. 600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. '215
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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Bumper Stickers - 1
Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most
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Silliest Joke
Inebriated drinker says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), 'Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill. 'So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $37. 00. The drunk says, 'I haven't got it. ' The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street. The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), 'Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill. 'The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $37. 00. The drunk says, 'I haven't got it. ' The bartender can't believe it, so he picks the guy up, beats the living day lights out of him, and throws him out into the street. The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), 'Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill. 'In disgust the bartender says, 'What, no drink for me this time?'The drunk replies, 'No, you get violent when you drink. '
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Parent Joke
Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. 'Teddy, ' he called, 'how many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilised human being. ' There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. 'That's better, ' said his father. 'Now will you always come down stairs like that?' 'Suits me, ' said Teddy. 'I slid down the bannister. '
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Funny College Joke
Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket? Professor Yes, but I thought it was mine!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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