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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of strange ringtones and other funny jokes |
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Dirty Joke
Q: Why do blondes have orgasms? A: So they know when to stop having sex.
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Joke for Kids
This guy is setting at a bar, and he's had a lot to drink that night; he asks the bartender for another drink, but the bartender says no. The guy is pretty upset by this and persists, but the bartender keeps saying no. Finally the guy asks, 'Well isn't there anything that you can give me?' The bartender says, 'I've got this parrot over there in the corner, sitting on a perch, with no legs. The guy interested by this asks how the parrot stays on the perch with no legs. The bartender tells the guy that the parrot just raps his dick around the perch. The guy is amazed by this and agrees to take the bird home. On the trip home he asks the parrot if he can talk. The parrot says, 'Sure I can talk!' The guy thinks for a second and then says, 'I've got a job for you. I have to go to work tomorrow and my wife will be home alone all day long. I want you to watch her and tell me everything that happens while I'm gone. The only person other than my wife scheduled to be there is the milk man. ' The parrot agrees to watch the man's wife. The next morning the guy leaves for work, leaving only his wife and the parrot at home. Later that evening the man returns home and asks the parrot what his wife did all day. Parrot: 'Within an hour after you left the milk man appeared. Your wife walked to the door, dressed in her bathrobe and let him in. Right away they started kissing!'Man: 'Then what happened after that?'Parrot: 'They started taking each other's clothes off. 'Man: 'And then what?'-getting more angryParrot: 'Your wife started jacking him off!'Man: 'What next?'-really steamed by this timeParrot: 'She started giving him a blow job!'Man: 'And what then, did they do anything else?'Parrot: 'I don't know by that time I got a hard on, and fell off my perch!'
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Bumper Stickers - 5
Judge me all u want. Just keep the verdict to yourself!
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Funny School Kids Joke
How do you know your kitchen floor is dirty?The slugs leave a trail on the floor that reads 'clean me'!
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Dog Joke - 2
When does a dog go 'moo' ? When it is learning a new language !
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Parent Joke
What are you reading? demanded the father of his seven-year-old. 'A story about a cow jumping over the moon, ' was the reply. 'Throw that book away at once, ' he commanded. 'How many times have I told you you're too young to read science fiction?'
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Family Comedy Joke
The following comments are those of Bill Hall who is a syndicated humor columnist for the Lewiston Morning Tribune in Lewiston, Idaho. Consider bathing, for instance. As a general rule, middle-aged women take baths at night. The men shower each morning. The men like to go to bed dirty and go to work clean. Women prefer to go to bed clean and to work dirty. That's why men usually take their coffee breaks with other men. Women read more boring magazines than men. They read silly, pedestrian magazines filled with articles on making quilts, turning bleach bottles into stunning centerpieces, the use of orange eyeshadow and how to get men to shower before going to bed instead of before going to work. Men read sensible, intellectual journals on how to catch fish and kill little animals. When a man cooks, he keeps his knives sharp. Most female cooks don't. Indeed, most female cooks don't even own a decent kitchen knife, let alone a sharp one. Female cooks offer the excuse that they would cut themselves if they had a sharp knife. And anyone with knives that lousy probably would. There is another difference between male and female cooks. Female cooks generally cook better with dull knives than male cooks do with sharp knives. That's how infuriating female cooks can be. Most women in my age group wear dresses occasionally. Only a few of my male friends do and then only in the privacy of their own homes. The women hobble around on high-heeled shoes. Most men would never do anything that silly. In fact, there is a name for the kind of men who wear high heels. They are called cowboys. Women laugh at men for wearing neckties and coats on 100-degree summer days. They snicker at men for wearing more clothes than necessary in hot weather. However, the women who do that are sweating in their pantyhose. Most women in my age group wear make-up. Very few of the men do. There is a name for men who wear make-up. They are called weird cowboys. Women are far more likely to be lousy tippers in restaurants, and to complain thereafter that men always get better service than they do. Women fold their underwear. Most men merely stuff their underwear into the drawer. Men use the time they save to catch fish and kill little animals. Most women, when lost, will stop and ask directions. Most men in my age group believe admitting you're lost will cast doubt on your manhood. That's why so many macho men are lost. Smarter men prove their manhood by stopping and asking women for directions, even when they aren't lost. There is another big difference between men and women in my age group. A competent man tends to rise through the ranks so easily that he eventually reaches a level where he is incompetent. Dr. Laurence J. Peter has dubbed this process the Peter Principle. Women in my age group tend to be held below the level of their competence, making them embarrassing to work with because they tend to outshine male colleagues at the same level. This is known as the Pain-in-the-Neck Principle. Incompetent men who have been subjected to that humiliation retaliate by refusing to promote women. And rightly so. You don't want people in the board room who don't shower each morning.
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Funny Kids Joke
What insect lives on nothing?A moth, because it eats holes How do stones stop moths eating your clothes?Because rolling stones gather no moths!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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