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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of strange pregnancy symptoms and other funny jokes |
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Farming Joke
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, 'Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large'. Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ' We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows'. The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, 'And what are those'? The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, 'Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas'?
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Great Joke
A midget with a heavy lisp goes to a horse farm to purchase a horse. The owner of the farm takes him through to look at all of his horses. The owner is really getting pissed off. Finally, the last horse and the midget decided that he really wanted this horse. So he ask the owner if he could lift him up so he could look at the horses eyes. The owner did as the midget asked, and the midget said ' Oh my, thse got very pretty eyez'. Then the midget ask if he could lift him up so he could see her teeth, Then the midget said 'Oh wow, thse got wonderful teeth. Then the midget ask if he could see her twat. The owner, being very pissed, picked him up, and rammed him in and out of the horse's twat. The midget looked up at the owner and said. 'Oh my, yes she does have a very fine twat, but I guess I thoud have asked to see her gallop. '
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Banana Joke
Why is a banana peel on the sidewalk like music? Because if you don't C sharp you'll B flat.
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Spoof Joke
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates. 'About a week later, Julie came to John and said, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?' John said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure. ' So he sat down and wrote, 'Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. 'Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read, 'Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom. '
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Dumb People Joke
Saddam Hussein's stockpile is deadly. The smoke from his biological weapons could mix with sulfur from his chemical weapons and create an atmospheric condition known as Los Angeles. The Los Angeles Board of Education has OK'd a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary schools will carry supersoakers, junior high patrols will carry paint guns, and shotguns will be used at high schools. A severly disturbed geography teacher killed six people who did not know the capital of Scotland. Police say he's still on the loose and remind everyone that the capital of Scotland is Edinburgh. (Carlin) AT&T announced last week it will lay off up to '8
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Time Joke
If twenty dogs run after one cat, what time is it? Twenty after one.
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Village Idiot Joke
Why did the idiot have his sundial floodlit ? So he could tell the time at night !
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Comedy Joke
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonnette I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. Henry Youngman It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week. Laurence J. Peter If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Unknown If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? Lily Tomlin Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. John Barrymore Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Robert Frost A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to know. Mistinguette Absence -- that common cure of love. Miguel De Cervantes
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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