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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of strange fancy dress and other funny jokes |
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Aardvark Joke
How do ants hide from aardvarks?
They disguise themselves as uncles!
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Romance Joke
The newlywed couple were checking into the hotel. The new groom approached the desk clerk. He said he wanted the best for they were on their honeymoon. The clerk asked the man if he wanted the bridal. 'No, ' he said, 'I don't believe I'll need it. I'll just grab onto her ears and hold on 'til she gets used to it. '
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Food and Drink Joke
Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch today. . Cook: There is. Fred: No, there isn't. There's only cheese pie. Cook: You can choose to eat it or leave it.
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Naughty Joke
A Frenchman was arrested and charged with having sex with a dead woman. 'How do you plead?' asked the judge. 'Guilty or not guilty. ''Not guilty, ' replied the man. 'On what grounds?' queried the judge. 'I didn't think she was dead. . . . I thought she was an American. '
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players?A: It saves time in the long run.
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Totally Weird Joke
How does a man take a bubble bath?He eats beans for dinner. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?Because they don't have testicles. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?Breasts don't have eyes. Why don't men eat more M&M's?They're too hard to peel. What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?Gifted. What's a man's idea of foreplay?A half hour of begging. How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?He's breathing. What do men and bottles of beer have in common?They're both empty from the neck up. How can you tell if a man is happy?Who cares!!!!What is the thinnest book in the world?What Men Know About WomenHow many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?One. Men will screw anything!How do you save a man from drowning?Take your foot off his head. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?We don't know - it's never happened. Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?Because they're stupid. How are men and parking spots alike?The good ones are always taken. Why do men like love at first sight?It saves them a lot of time. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?Dating children. How can you tell soap operas are fictional?In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed. What should you give a man who has everything?A woman to show him how to work it. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?To stop the snoring before it starts. Why don't men have mid-life crises?They stay stuck in adolescence. How does a man show he's planning for the Future?He buys two cases of beer instead of one. How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?At the circus the clowns don't talk. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?Exchange him. Why do bachelors like smart women?Opposites attract. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time. Why are blonde jokes so short?So men can remember them.
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Math Joke
An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining cabins at an old motel. First the engineer's coffee maker catches fire. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep.
Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. He wakes up and sees that a cigarette butt has set the trash can on fire. He says to himself, 'Hmm. How does one put out a fire? One can reduce the temperature of the fuel below the flash point, isolate the burning material from oxygen, or both. This could be accomplished by applying water. ' So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep.
The mathematician, of course, has been watching all this out the window. So later, when he finds that his pipe ashes have set the bedsheet on fire, he is not in the least taken aback. He says: 'Aha! A solution exists!' and goes back to sleep.
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Joke of the Day
Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives, when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes. His partner says, 'What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!' His friend replies, 'I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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