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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of strange christmas presents and other funny jokes |
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Spoof Joke
Joe says to Bill, 'Want to see a picture of my Aunt?'Bill said, 'Sure. 'So Joe takes out a picture. Bill says, 'What are you talking about?Thats not your aunt!Thats a picture of a fish!'Joe says, 'Well sure it is. . . It's my aunt Chovy!'
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Science Joke
Two condoms walk past a gay bar. One of them says to the other, 'Hey, do you fancy dropping in there and getting shit-faced?'
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Travel and tourist Joke
A man is walking down the street when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says CRUISES - $100. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him over the head with a baseball bat and throws him in the river. Another man is walking down the street a half hour later, sees the sign and pays the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him with the baseball bat and throws him in the river. Sometime later, the two men are floating down the river together and the first man asks, 'Do you think they'll serve any food on this cruise?' The second man says, 'I don't think so. They didn't do it last year. '
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Mad Joke
Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?A: There's white-out on the screen. Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?A: There's writing on the white-out. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?A: She has a checkbook. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent to a blonde?A: There is a stamp on it. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?A: By the buckle print on her forehead. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?A: ''Debbie'. . . that's cute. What did you name the other one ?'Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9. . . . Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!Q: How do you kill a blonde?A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. Q: Why don't blondes make Jello?A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little boxes. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?A: All you can eat, under a buck. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?A: Because they can't get their head in the jar. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?A: They can't find the zipper. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A: 'Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces. '
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Weather Joke
Why did the Aggie take a golf club and a baseball glove storm chasing with him? -To golf the golf ball size hail and catch the baseball size hail
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Dirty Joke
Two Marines were sitting around talking one day. The first Marine asked the second Marine, 'If they were to drop a bomb right now, what would be the first thing you would do?' The second Marine said, 'I would screw the first thing that moved. What would you do?' The first Marine replied, 'I would stand very still for half an hour. '
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Funny Men Joke
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, 'All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks. 'The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house!! Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language. 'Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, 'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. 'She hears the little boy continue, 'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today. 'As the mother began to smile, the child added, 'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen. '
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Various animal Joke
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player? Bear Jordan.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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