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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of strange christmas gifts and other funny jokes |
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Cop Joke
Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on. He said 'It's Al Gore. He's up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations. ''Donations!' I said, 'How much you got so far?'He said 'about ten gallons. '
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Camping Joke
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, 'Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?''I sure did, ' responded the pessimist. 'He can't swim. '
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Travel and tourist Joke
Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space ? He wanted to find Pluto !
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Men Joke
If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and there is no womenaround to hear him, is he still wrong?
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Priceless Joke
A COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS: 'Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley's Comet will be visible in this area an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it. ' EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO COMPANY COMMANDER: 'By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley's Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years. ' COMPANY COMMANDER TO LIEUTENANT: 'By order of the Colonel be in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening. The phenomenal Halley's Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in the battalion area, the Colonel will give another order, something which occurs once every 75 years. ' LIEUTENANT TO SERGEANT: 'Tomorrow at 2000 hours, the Colonel will appear in the theater with Halley's comet, something which happens every 75 years. If it rains, the Colonel will order the comet into the battalion area. ' SERGEANT TO SQUAD: 'When it rains tomorrow at 2000 hours, the phenomenal 75-year-old General Halley, accompanied by the Colonel, will drive his comet through the battalion area theater in fatigues. '
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Joke for Speeches
What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A rebel without a clue!
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Kids Fairy Tale Joke
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.
The waiter comes and takes their drink order.
'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.
'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.
'I want water, lots and lots of water,' said the third little piggy.
The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.
'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.
'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.
'I want water, lots and lots of water,' said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter
approached the table & asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.
'I want a root beer float,' said the second piggy.
'I want water, lots and lots of water,' exclaimed the third little piggy.
'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter! to the third little piggy,
'but why have you only ordered water all evening?'
The third piggy says,
'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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