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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of strange candy and other funny jokes |
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Cannibal Joke
Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads? Because they're headcases.
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Miscellaneous Joke
Man goes to the bar and says 'bartender, give me 7 shots of Vodka. ' The bartender says 'Ok, but pal you are gonna hurt yourself with that. ' The man says 'Just pour them. 'The man takes the first shot and the bartender says 'Hey, you want to talk about it'? The man says 'No!' and drinks the next 2 shots. The bartender says 'Come on and tell me about it I've got a good ear, that's why a lot of people come here for, to tell their troubles. 'The man by then has finished the 7 shots and says 'Ok, today was my first blowjob. ' The bartender says 'Hey great, have another on the house. 'The man says 'No, if 7 doesn't get the taste out, nothing will!'
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Funny Kids Joke
Q: What do owls sing when it is raining?A: 'Too wet to woo'!Q: What do baby swans dance to?A: Cygnet-ure-tunes!Q: What birds spend all their time on their knees?A: Birds of prey!Q: What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?A: Tweetie Pie!Q: What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?A: Jail-birds!Q: How do you get a cut-price parrot?A: Plant bird seed!Q: Why is a sofa like a roast chicken?A: Because they're both full of stuffing!Q: What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?A: Fowl play!Q: What happens when ducks fly upside down?A: They quack up!
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Bus Joke
Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.
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Dinosaur Joke
Q4: What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? A: Ptera Don
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School Joke
Please excuse John for being absent Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and 33. '
'Mary could not go to school because she was bothered by very close veins. '
'Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sour throat. '
'Please excuse Joey Friday. He had loose vowels. '
'Please excuse Joyce from jim today. '
'Please excuse Roland from P. E. for a few days. He fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. '
'Karl was hit yesterday playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. '
'John was absent yesterday because he had a stomach. '
'Please excuse Gloria. She has been sick and under the doctor. '
'My son will have to get out of school as soon as I call the orthodontist, one of his wrie’s is brusted and sticking in his Gum’s. '
'Please excuse Sarah from being absent yesterday. She was sick and I had her shot. '
'My son is under the doctors care and should not take P. E. Please execute him. '
'Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust. '
'Please excuse Johnny for being. It was his father’s fault. '
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Love and Marriage Joke
A man driving outside of Baltimore, Maryland was southbound on Interstate 95 in the far right hand lane traveling at 55 mph, minding his own business. He noticed in his rear view mirror that a Maryland State Trooper was right behind him. A mile later nothing changed, except now he's driving at 65 mph, the maximum limit. Several miles further along, the Trooper's right on his bumper and the man increases his speed to 75 mph. The Trooper activates his lights and siren and the man reluctantly pulls onto the shoulder. After the Trooper demands the man's driver's license and registration, he sez, 'Mr. {Smith}, I cannot for the life of me figure out why, when you knew I was behind you for quite some time, you sped up knowing that you could be cited for speeding. What in the world caused you to do that ? The man looked relieved, stared the Trooper directly in the eye and softly spoke, 'Trooper, three months ago, my wife ran off with a Maryland State Trooper. I thought you were him, bringing her back. '
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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