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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of stop smoking jokes and other funny jokes |
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Job and Office Joke
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, 'We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one. ' The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, 'Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long. '
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Aviation Joke
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks 'And get me a whisky you cow!' The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls 'And get me another whisky you idiot'. Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach 'I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you'. The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says 'For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!'
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Joke for Holidays
Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about. The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: 'Sisters, I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell 'LeRoy!!' your husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion. 'Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again speaks up and says, 'I think I'll name my husband 'Seven-UP''. 'Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband 'Seven-UP'?' queries one of the old gals. 'Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!' replies the first lady. The second lady then muses a bit and says, 'I think I'm going to name my LeRoy 'Mountain Dew'. ''Why, sister, why are you going to name him 'Mountain Dew'?''Well, cuz mountin' is one thing he do real well, ' the second lady says. Both then turn to the third woman as she rocks slowly in her chair and of her they ask, 'And, what will you name your husband, sister?''I've been thinking that I just might name him 'Jack Daniels
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Law Joke
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
A: A hooker will stop screwing you after you are dead.
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Government Humor
What has four legs and smells like fish? Clinton's desk.
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School Joke for Kids
The Letter D Pulls Out LETTER D PULLS SPONSORSHIP FROM SESAME STREET Noted Consonant Alienated By Controversial New Gay Muppet NEW YORK--A spokesperson for the letter D announced Monday that the consonant is withdrawing sponsorship from Sesame Street following a Children's Television Workshop announcement that a homosexual muppet will soon join the show's cast. 'The letter D is proud to have brought you many wonderful Sesame Street episodes throughout the program's 28-year history, ' said Patricia Willis, public-relations director for D. 'But the letter D does not condone the sort of morally questionable lifestyles that Sesame Street is advocating with the introduction of this new character. It can no longer in good conscience associate itself with the show. ' Willis said D's withdrawal is effective immediately, and applies to both capital and lower-case versions of the letter. The gay muppet, 'Bruce, ' will be introduced on Sesame Street Dec. '23
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Funny Kids Joke
Q: What does a lion brush his mane with?A: A catacomb!Q: What noise does a cat make going down the highway?A: Miaooooooooooooooooooow!Q: What do you get if cross a cat with a canary?A: Shredded tweet!Q: Why do tomcats fight?A: Because they like raising a stink!Q: Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit?A: They are both ginger nuts!Q: What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?A: A catameringue!Q: On what should you mount a statue of your cat?A: A caterpillar!Q: What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese?A: A Peking Tom!
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Camping Joke
Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, 'Did you see that?''No, ' the second guy says. 'Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead, ' the first guy says. 'Oh, ' says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, 'Did you see that?''See what?' the second guy asks. 'Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there. ''Oh. 'A few minutes later the first guy says: 'Did you see that?'By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, 'Yes, I did!'And the first guy says: 'Then why did you step in it?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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