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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of stevens fun fair and other funny jokes |
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Car and train Joke
Which snakes are found on cars? Windscreen vipers.
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Religion Joke
There are three religious truths:1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters
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Humor Joke
Last night I dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow. When I woke up my pillow was gone !
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Doctor Joke
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
'But how will I let you know the baby is born?' she asked.
He replied, 'Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses. ' Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, 'Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means. '
The doctor said, 'Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you. '
Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read: 'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without. '
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Law Joke
A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, 'Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?'
'No,' the coroner replied.
The attorney then asked, 'Did you listen for a heart beat?'
The coroner said, 'No. '
'Did you check for breathing?', asked the attorney.
Again the coroner replied, 'No. '
The attorney asked, 'So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?'
The coroner, now tired of the brow beating said, 'Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere. '
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Joke for Halloween
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, his lungs burned for lack of oxygen, his heart pounding so hard he felt like it would burst out of his chest. Then suddenly, he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, 'Dear Lord! Please give this bear some religion!'The skies darkened, and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky, kneeled and said, 'Thank you, Lord, for this food I'm about to receive. . . '
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Relationships Joke
Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked, 'Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?''My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one, ' said Bob. 'Good Lord, ' said David, 'you haven't got a chance of hitting her from here. '
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Kids Puns
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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