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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of star wars fun and games and other funny jokes |
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Car and train Joke
What do you get if you cross an Egyptian mummy with a car mechanic? Toot and Car Man.
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Joke for Kids
New Official Politically Correct Terms for the 90'sOLD---------------NEWconservative--reactionarythe establishment--white power elitehearing person--temporarily aurally abledsighted person--temporarily visually abledblind--visually challengedmute--vocally challengeddeaf--aurally challengeddead--metabolically differentalive--temporarily metabolically abledugly--aesthetically challengedfat--gravitationally challengedheavy-set--people of massrude--politically correct psychopath--socially misalignedcrooked--ethically challengedklutzy--kinesthetically challengedbald--follicularly challengedshort--differently staturednon-white, non-male oppressed--white melanin impoverished / genetically oppressivewhite male--oppressorblack--african-americanasian--asian-americanafro-american--african-americanminority group--numerically challenged group; under-represented populationblack--person of colorChicano--person of colorweird green freak--person of colorfemale--person of genderdrooling drunk idiot--person on floorgroup of blacks--Under-Represented population of persons of colorGroup of Whites--L. A. P. D. woman--womynwomen--wymingirl--pre-womynman--oppressorboy--oppressor-to-bepregnancy--parasitic oppressionjanitor--sanitation engineerdisabled car-mechanically challenged cardish washer--utensil sanitizerdairy--where cows are rapedranch--where cattle are murderedegg ranch--where hens are rapedbiology department--where animals are tortured and then murdered to fulfill the sadistic fantasies of white male scientist lackeys of theimperialist drug companiesfishing--raping the oceansfarming-- exploiting mother earthnhl hockey--uniformed fascists vying for superioritypaper bag-- processed tree carcassMany of the labels from the 80's are now passe. Here is a partial list of the denotations that are now acceptable (all labels are subject to change without notice). old 80's/90'sdeaf/hearing impaired/aurally challengedblind /sight impaired/visually challengedretarded/mentally handicapped/mentally challengedqueer/gay/homosexual/queer (strange but true)fat/big boned/alternative body image
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Humorous Joke
The Counselor was talking to the campers about safety. She said 'Don't climb any trees. If you fall down and break a leg, don't come running to me!'
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Military Joke
1. Sickness: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept the Medical Officer's statement as proof of illness as we believe that if you are able to go on sick parade, you are able to come to work. 2. Leave of Absence for an Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for. 3. Death, Other than Your Own: This is no excuse. If you can arrange the funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date. 4. Death, Your Own: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job. 5. Quantity of Work: No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough. 6. Quality of Work: The minimum acceptable level is perfection. 7. Advice from the Commanding Officer: Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. 8. The senior officer is Always Right. 9. When the senior officer is Wrong, Refer to Rule 8.
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Humorous Joke
The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check-up. 'Have you ever been x-rayed?', asked the doctor. 'Nope, ' she replied, 'But ah've been ultra-violated. '
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Joke for Kids
Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Polak, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, 'What do you want on your back for your whipping?'The German responds, 'I will take oil!' So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polak, 'What do you want on your back?' 'I will take nothing!' says the Polak, and he stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch. 'What will you take on your back?' the Amazons ask the American. He responds, 'I'll take the Polak!'
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Ethnical Joke
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, 'The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die. ' The Frenchman says, 'I take ze sword. ' The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, 'Vive la France!' and runs himself through. The Englishman says, 'a pistol for me please. ' The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, 'God save the queen!' and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, 'Gimme a fork!' The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, 'My God, what are you doing?' And the New Yorker responds, 'So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal!
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Dog Joke - 2
What dog wears contact lenses ? A cock-eyed spaniel !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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