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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of stand up comedy videos and other funny jokes |
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Clinton Joke
Q: How many Clinton administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two--one to screw the bulb into the water faucet while the other tells us that everything possible is being done to help the situation.
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Beauty Joke
First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh, what did you have done? First witch: Nothing, I was just going in for an estimate.
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Fishing Joke
What fish sounds like a telephone? Herring, herring. . . herring, herring. . . herring, herring.
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Weird Women Joke
A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badlyscrewed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lampwashing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!!The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As aconsolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, hecautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give herex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makesher first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grantsher wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollarbills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. Thesecond wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own privatebeach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds gain thather ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points own the beachto a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the geniethat she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, thegenie again warns her that her ex-husband will get tentimes what she wishes for. No problem, said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. For my last wish. . . 'Id like to give birth to twins'.
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Mental health Joke
Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch: 'Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you -- everyone in the US perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world. '
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Food and Drink Joke
Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the woods? One was 'a-salted. '
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Totally Weird Joke
I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words 'I do'. One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me. 'I said, 'WHAT??' So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, 'What was her first clue?'I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to bed. The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store. . . I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you . . . she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, 'I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register. 'I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now. ' You should have seen her face . . . it went completely blank. I then said, 'Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. 'And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man. 'I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw.
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Romance Joke
I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot. It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there: They have no wife to go home to. . . or they do.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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