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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of stand up comedy uk and other funny jokes |
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Practical Joke
Marie's funeral is a sad one as she goes to join her departed husband. Standing near the casket, a mourner keeps repeating, 'At last they're together. At last they're together. 'A mourner whispers, 'Why are you making such a tumult? She was a tramp even when Nick was alive. What's with this nonsense. . . at last they're together!'The first mourner responds, 'I'm talking about her LEGS! At last they're together!'
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Children Joke
A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening, the boy called out sulkily, ' Mum ! your husband's just come home. '
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Irish Joke
Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned. The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving condolences and enjoying every minute of it, when an old friend of the contractor came up. 'I'm sorry, Mary, for your trouble, ' offered the friend. 'Did Mike leave you well fixed?' 'Oh, he did!' she said. 'He left me almost a half million dollars. ' 'Well now, that's not bad for a man who couldn't read or write. ' 'Nor swim either, ' added the widow.
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Mad Joke
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, 'Ive kidnapped you. ' She then wrote a note saying, 'Ive kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $'10
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Bumper Stickers - 5
Kevorkian for Surgeon General
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Firefighter Joke
A fire broke out in a six story apartment building last week in a near by town. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette escaped the flames by climbing up onto the roof. When the fire department arrived they got out a blanket held it up and the Chief called out to the brunette to jump into the blanket. The brunette jumped. As she was falling 'swoosh' the firefighters pulled the blanket away and she landed on the street like a brick. The firefighters then held the blanket back up and the Chief told the redhead to jump. 'No way! I saw what you did to my friend. ' exclaimed the redhead. 'I am sorry' said the Chief, 'My wife was a brunette and she divorced me. I just don't like brunettes. We have no problems with redheads. . . . jump it's your only chance. ' So the redhead jumped. On the way down 'swoosh' the firefighters pulled the blanket away and she hit the pavement like a tomato!' The firefighters a gain held up the blanket and the Chief told the blonde to jump. The fire was getting worse and her only chance of survival was to jump. 'No I am not jumping. I saw what you did to my two friends. ' 'I'm sorry' said the Chief, 'I explained what happened to the brunette and when the redhead jumped we were a little distracted. It will not happen again, just jump!' The blonde thought for a moment. 'OK I'll jump - but first I want you to lay the blanket on the ground, back away, and then I'll jump into it. '
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Kids Puns
Q: Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners? A: So brunettes can remember them. Q: What is black and blue and brown lying in a ditch? A: A brunette who has told too many blonde jokes.
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Law Enforcement Joke
Police officer: And what do you think you are doing on this road, Dracula? Dracula: Looking for the main artery, officer.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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