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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of stand up comedy material and other funny jokes |
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Food Joke
Why did the biscuit cry? Because its mother had been a wafer so long.
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Relationships Joke
A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get. Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs. They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there watching the videos. The man sees his wife meeting another man, then the two of them are walking in the park laughing. Another series shows her with a different man laughing and dancing. All together, hewatches a dozen or so different activities, each with a different man, each time both she and the man are sharing obvious utter glee. 'Amazing, ' said the shocked husband, 'simply amazing ! I just can't believe it. ''What can't you believe ?' asked the detective, 'It's all right there for you to see, plus I have all the times and dates in my log. ''I know, I know!' said the man, still in shock, 'I just can't believe my wife could be that much fun. '
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Money Joke
Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.
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School Joke
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, 'Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do. ' The mother exclaimed, 'But That's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this . . . by the way, what was it that you didn't do?' The little girl replied, 'My homework. '
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Music Joke
Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section? A: Half a measure.
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Humorous Joke
Some Warning Signs of Insanity- You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write. - You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations. - Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask. - You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge. - You have meaningful conversations with your toaster. - You collect dead windowsill flies. - Every time the phone rings, you shout, 'Hey! An angel just got its wings!'- You like cats. Especially with mayo. - You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued. - You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch. - Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards. - You have a predominant fear of fabric softener. - You wake up each morning and find yourself sitting on your head in the middle of your front lawn. - Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons. - Melba toast sexually excites you. - When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him, because 'the napkins have ears. '- You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you. - You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for a few minutes. - Your main goal in life is to become the president of Bulemia. - Nearly everything you say involves the word, 'P-toing!'- You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease. - You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk. - You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to it. - People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry.
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Spoof Joke
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, 'Hey Billy Bob, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later. ' 'That's mighty nice of you, ' Billy Bob answered, 'but I don't think my Pa would like me to. ' 'Aw, come on boy, ' the farmer insisted. 'Well okay, ' the boy finally agreed, and added, 'but my Pa won't like it. ' After a hearty dinner, Billy Bob thanked his host. 'I feel a lot better now, but I know my Pa is going to be real mad. ' 'Don't be foolish!' the neighbor said with a smile. 'By the way, where is your Pa?' 'Under the wagon. '
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Joke for Kids
Did you hear about the latest Polish invention?It's a solar-powered flashlight.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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