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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of stand up comedy dvd and other funny jokes |
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Irish Joke
A surgeon and an architect, both English, were joined by an Irish politician, and all fell to arguing as to whose profession was the oldest. Said the surgeon, 'Eve was made from Adam's rib, and that surely was a surgical operation. ' 'Maybe, ' said the architect, 'but prior to that, order was created out of chaos, and that was an architectural job. ' 'Shure now, ' interrupted the politician, 'but somebody created the chaos first. '
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Joke for Kids
This one big lawyer from the city decided to take time away from his busy day and went out to the farm and shot a duck. The farmer walks out Of his building upon hearing the shot and screams at the city guy - 'HEY You Cant shoot that duck on my property. That duck belongs to me. Hand it over!' The city guy says, 'Hell no I shot him so I get to keep him!'The farmer and the city boy decide to settle it country style (which is to kick each other in the nuts till the other one falls over') So the farmer goes first and slams the city boy a nice hard stiff kick. Upon receiving the kick, the city boy damn near colllapses from the pain. The city boy regains his balance And studders 'Its my turn' The famer looks at him and says - 'aw Hell, keep the damn duck!
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Bird Joke
Why did the chick disappoint his mother ? He wasn't what he was cracked up to be !
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Idiot and fool Joke
How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life ? Tell him a joke when he's a baby !
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Redneck Joke
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?One snatches watches and the other watches snatches!
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Law Joke
Q: Have you heard about the lawyers' word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Lauren.
Lauren who?
Lauren order!
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Mad Joke
A young blonde female stock broker was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps a MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with it's gorgeous red paint job. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her. 'That's a lovely car, ' said the mechanic. 'What seems to be the matter?' 'Well, it just conked out I'm afraid. ''Let me have look. ' He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again. 'Thank goodness, ' she said. 'What was the matter?' 'Simple really, just crap in the carburetor, ' he replied. Looking shocked she asked, 'Oh, OK. . . How many times a week do I have to do that?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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