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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of stand up comedy advice and other funny jokes |
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Marriage Joke
A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age.
The husband responded 'When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a major decision. '
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Fun Joke
Dave: I got this great new hearing aid the other day. Mary: Are you wearing it now?Dave: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, but it's top of the line. Mary: Wow! What kind is it?Dave: Twelve-thirty.
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Just for Laughs Joke
Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game!
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Joke for Speeches
Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth. So why did you come around then? Well, I saw this light at the window. . . !
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Totally Weird Joke
One day, a man with no arms walked into the bathroom. Another man that was in there, asked, 'I don't mean to be rude sir, but how to you go to the bathroom with no arms?'The guys with no arms replied, 'Well I need a little help, could you unzip my pants?'The other guys reluctantly says, 'sure'. The guy with no arms says, 'I need a little more help than that, I need some aim. Would you mind?'The guy, very reluctant to do it this time said, 'Sure, I guess'. When the guy pulled out the mans penis, there was red pustules and blisters and hair all over it. The man preceded to help the man out. When the man with no arms was finished. The other man asked him, 'I don't mean to be rude, but what was all over your penis?'The man then replied, as he pulled his arms out his shirt, -'I don't know but I sure as hell ain't touching it!'
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Pig Joke
Why did the pig send his story to New York? He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue.
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Animal Joke
Q: Diner: I can't eat this chicken. Call the manager. A: Waiter: It's no use. He can't eat it either. Q: Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?A: The outside. Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?A: A walkie-talkie, of course. Q: Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing birds?A: Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. I hear it's untweetable. Q: Why don't they play poker in the jungle?A: Too many cheetahs. Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause. Q: Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?A: To the retail store. Q: What kind of dog tells time?A: A watch dog.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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