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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of spongebob jokes and other funny jokes |
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Ouch Joke
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a prettygirl asked, 'I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?''Only one kiss per yard, ' replied the smirking male clerk. 'That's fine, ' replied the girl. 'I'll take ten yards. 'With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, thenheld it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little oldman standing beside her. 'Grandpa will pay the bill, ' she smiled.
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Taipei.
Taipei who?
Taipei eighty words a minute is pretty fast !
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Kids Puns
This guy decides to get a sex change. So he goes to the doctors and has the thing done. A couple of weeks later he was talking to one of his old buddies about it. 'Gee, it must have really hurt when they shot all that silicon into your chest to make your breasts. ''Not really, I hardly felt it. ''Well, it must have really hurt when they chopped off your manhood!''Nope, I didn't really feel it either. The only thing that really hurt was when they drilled a hole in my skull and sucked out half my brain!'
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School Joke for Kids
Every once in a awhile, this couple would tell their 2 children, Scott (the older one) and Andrew that they were going to go upstairs for a bit(to do their little freaky thing). One day Scott got curious to what they were doing up there, so the next time they said that they were going to go upstairs he very cautiously followed them. He peeked in through the crack in the door and whispered, 'Hey Andrew, come look at this. Guess what the woman who told us never to suck our thumbs is sucking?!'
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Practical Joke
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Just like they did every day. Abe turned to Sol and asked, 'Do you think there's baseball in heaven?' Soloman thought about it for a minute and replied, 'I dunno, Abe, but let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you -- and if you die first, you come back and tell me --if there is baseball in heaven. ' They shook on it. Sadly, a few months later poor Abe passed on. One day soon afterward, Sol was sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he heard a voice whisper, 'Sol. . . Sol. . . . ' Sol responded, 'Abe! Is that you?' 'Yes it is Sol, ' whispered the spirit of Abe. Sol, still amazed, asked, 'So, is there baseball in heaven?' 'Well, ' Abe said, 'I got good news and I got bad news. ' 'Gimme the good news first, ' said Sol. Abe said, 'Well. . . there is baseball in heaven. ' Sol said, 'That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?' Abe sighed and whispered, 'You're pitching on Friday. '
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Family Comedy Joke
Two Nuts Where Walking Down The Street. One Was A Salted!
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Women Joke
A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said, ' I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only. ' The man thought about his first wish and decided, 'I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish, ' I wish I was irresistible to women. ' POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.
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Satire Joke
There were 4 monkeys in a tree. Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree?- It died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?- It was tied on to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?- It got hit by the first two. Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?- Peer pressure.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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