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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of sponge bob jokes and other funny jokes |
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Best Joke Online
This guy took his nymphomaniac wife to the sex therapist for treatment. 'This is one hot potato of a lady, doctor, ' he said, 'Maybe you can do something for her? She goes for any man, any age, any time, anywhere and it is just driving me crazy with jealousy. ''We'll see, ' the therapist said. He directed the wife into his examining room, closed the door behind her, and told her to get undressed. Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach. The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to squirm and moan. It was too much for him to resist, so he climbed up on top of her and began screwing her. The husband suddenly hears the moans and groans coming from the examination room. Very suspicious, he bursts into the room and is confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife and banging away. 'Doctor, what are you doing?!?' he asked. Flustered, the therapist replied, 'Oh, it's you! I'm only taking your wife's temperature!'The husband pulled out a large pocket knife and began to hone it deliberately on his sleeve. 'Well, doc, ' he said, 'when you take that thing out, it better have numbers on it!'
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Computer Joke
Many of you have wondered why a computer crashes. It is usually very technical but maybe this will help. Dr. Seuss Explains Why Computers Sometimes Crash. If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash! If the label on the cable on the table at your house says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
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Redneck Joke
The highlight of your family reunion was your sister's nude dancing debut.
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Ethnic Joke - 1
How do you circumcise a redneck?Kick his sister in the chin.
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Police Joke
Policeman: When I saw you coming around the corner, I said to myself,
'Fifty-five at least. '
Woman Driver: 'Well, you are a long way off! It's this hat that
makes me look so old. '
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At Work Joke
Two accountants were discussing a colleague's interest in one of the firm's new secretaries. 'I just don't get it. ' said one. 'She's an airhead -- nothing going on upstairs. 'That may be true, ' replied the other, 'but I don't think that's the floor he's getting off on. '
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Cat Joke
Doctor, said the patient, 'I need help! I can't stop acting like a cat!' 'How long have you had this problem?' the doctor asked. 'Lest's see, ' said the patient, 'Mom had the litter in '41
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Military Joke
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as 'Area 51?' Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their 'secret' base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying 'you-did-not-see-a-base' briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way. The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane. . . only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, 'Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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