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injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of spanish fun and other funny jokes |
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Dog Joke - 1
How did the dog make gold soup? He put in 24 carrots.
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School Joke for Kids
What's the difference between a mans paycheck and his dick?He can always find a girl to blow his paycheck!
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Assorted Joke
ACTUAL PRODUCT INSTRUCTIONS:ON A HAIRDRYER:*Do not use while sleeping. ON A BAG OF FRITOS:*You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:*Directions: Use like regular soap. FROZEN DINNER SERVING SUGGESTION:*Defrost. ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX:*Fits one head. ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESERT:*Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box. )ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:*Product will be hot after heating. ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:*Do not Iron clothes on body. ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE:*Do not drive car or operate machinery. ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):*Warning: May cause drowsiness. ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:*Warning: Keep out of children. ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:*For indoor or outdoor use only. ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:*Not to be used for the other use. ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:*Warning: contains nutsON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:*Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:*Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
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Funny Kids Joke
Why didn't the banana snore?
'Cos it was afraid to wake up the rest of the bunch.
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Joke for Halloween
Saint Peter is doing his thing , minding the Gates of Heaven , when he notices that the Gates are getting a bit shabby and shopworn and in need of repair. He goes outside to the line of people waiting to come 'in' and asks 'ARE THERE ANY CONTRACTORS HERE?'Three guys step foreward. . . . . . . . . A Black Man, an Italian, and a Jew. Peter asks the three to inspect the Gates and then give a price , with a breakdown. First, the Black guy goes over and looks at the Gates. 'I think $900. 00 should do it' he says. 'That would be $300. for materials, $300. for labor , and $300 for me' 'Great ', says PeterNext the Italian guy inspects the Gates. He takes a long time , pouring over every bit of what he surveys, then comes back to St. Peter and tells him that 'These are the most wonderful, beautiful Gates!! They were almost certainly constructed in Italy, probably Florence , in the Renaissance! Pure Works of Art!' The price. . . $'3
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Old Age Joke
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!' 'Heck, ' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
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Free Adult Joke
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. 'You simpleton!' the officer barked. 'Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?''Yes sir, ' the solder answered apologetically. 'But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, 'Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' ---that did it!'
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Humor Joke
Do you love me? Of course Then whisper something soft and sweet in my ear Lemon meringue pie !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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