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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of southport fun fair and other funny jokes |
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Money Joke
How can you make money fast? Glue it to the floor.
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Blonde Joke - 1
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She proudly said, 'Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!' Her friend said, 'O. K. then, what's the capital of France?' The blonde replied, 'Oh, That's so easy! F. '
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat!
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Comedy Joke
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
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Judge Joke
How many judges does it take to change a light bulb? Just one; he holds it still and the whole world revolves around him. Just one, but two lawyers have to explain him how to do it.
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Joke for Halloween
1. ) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. ) If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings'. 3. ) There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'. 4. ) People who want to share their religious veiws with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. ) And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. ) You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. ) No matter what happens. . . somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. ) When trouble arises & things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution & is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy. 9. ) Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 10. ) A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. 11. ) Never lick a steak knife. 12. ) Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 13. ) 'The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 14. ) You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. ) Your REAL friends still love you anyway.
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Priceless Joke
THE COWBOY CODE1. A cowboy removes his hat when entering the presence of a lady, although he may leave it on if she works in a saloon. 2. A cowboy says EXCUSE ME, MA'AM, when leaving a lady's presence. 3. A cowboy says PARDON ME, MA'AM, when bumping into a lady, or treading on her feet. 4. A cowboy never sits, while a lady is standing, unless he feels particularly tired, or his feet hurt. 5. A cowboy allows a lady to go through a doorway, first, especially if he thinks one of his enemies may try to shoot him in a cowardly ambush. She would provide good cover. 6 . A cowboy does not spit on the floor, but if he does, he will point it out to the ladies so they will not drag their skirts through it. 7. A cowboy never tracks horse poop into a lady's house. He should leave his boots outside the door, unless his feet stink as bad as the horse poop, in which case, he should just go someplace else. Maybe the saloon, where the stench of horse poop is no worse than the stench of cow poop. 8. A cowboy does not pick his nose at the table, unless it will help him breath better or eliminate a whistle that otherwise might become annoying to the ladies. 9. A cowboy does not scratch his groin, his armpits, or suck on the ends of his mustache, when a lady is near. 10. A cowboy does not swear or make reference to bodily functions, in the presence of a lady. 11. A cowboy must not sneeze at the table. If a strong need arises that cannot be resisted, he will turn his head away from the lady, so she won't be sprayed and perhaps be struck by a stray booger. 12. A cowboy does not noisily slurp his coffee in the presence of a lady. Instead, he should hold the saucer steady with both hands, tip it toward his mouth, and slurp silently. 13. A cowboy does not fart in the presence of a lady. . . not even silently. If he does, it might stink, and she may smell it and possibly think that he is not actually a gentleman. 14. A cowboy will grasp a lady's elbow to help her onto a horse or into a carriage. He should never, ever push on her derriere to give her a boost, because she might kick his teeth out, unless she works in the saloon.
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Computing Joke
Are you a tehcnical geek?Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. Do not despair! There is help! You are not alone! Whenever you feel the urge to code in Assembler, call the number in the white pages of your phone book, and we will send somebody right over to cut out paper dolls with you until the feeling passes. You know you are a tehcnical geek when . . . When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply 'Yeah, I had V'5
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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