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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of sonic funny games and other funny jokes |
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Mental health Joke
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. 'Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?' The doctor replies: 'It's very simple. You're two tents. '
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Do you know why Eskimos always do their laundry in tide? Because it's too cold out-tide!
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Free Adult Joke
What do you call a masterbating bull? Beef strokin'off.
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Funny Famous Joke
This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, 'It's not a ship. ' The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, 'It's not a boat. ' The speck gets even closer and he thinks, 'It's not a raft. 'Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, 'How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?' 'Ten years!', he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, 'Man, oh man! Is that good!' Then she asked, 'How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?' He replies, 'Ten years!' She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, 'Wow, that's fantastic !' Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, 'And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?'And the man replies, 'My God ! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there!'
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Joke of the Day
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach. The marriage counselor told him, 'If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder. '
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Telephone Joke
What do you get if you cross a telephone with a fat football player? A wide receiver.
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Computer Joke
It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: 'Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. Sure is hot down here. '
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Joke of the Day
Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Archive I will not carve gods. I will not spank others. I will not aim for the head. I will not barf unless I'm sick. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge. I will not conduct my own fire drills. Funny noises are not funny. I will not snap bras. I will not fake seizures. This punishment is not boring and pointless. My name is not Dr. Death. I will not defame New Orleans. I will not prescribe medication. I will not bury the new kid. I will not teach others to fly. I will not bring sheep to class. A burp is not an answer. Teacher is not a leper. Coffee is not for kids. I will not eat things for money. I will not yell 'She's Dead' at roll call. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee. I will not call the principal 'spud head'. Goldfish don't bounce. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups. No one is interested in my underpants. I will not sell miracle cures. I will return the seeing-eye dog. I do not have diplomatic immunity. I will not charge admission to the bathroom. I will never win an emmy. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy. I will not say 'Springfield' just to get applause. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle. I am not deliciously saucy. Organ transplants are best left to professionals. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with 'Hail Satan'. I will not celebrate meaningless milestones. There are plenty of businesses like show business. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun. I will not waste chalk. I will not skateboard in the halls. I will not instigate revolution. I will not draw naked ladies in class. I did not see Elvis. I will not call my teacher 'Hot Cakes'. Garlic gum is not funny. They are laughing at me, not with me. I will not yell 'Fire' in a crowded classroom. I will not encourage others to fly. I will not fake my way through life. Tar is not a plaything. I will not Xerox my butt. It's potato, not potatoe. I will not trade pants with others. I am not a 32 year old woman. I will not do that thing with my tongue. I will not drive the principal's car. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart. I will not sell school property. I will not burp in class. I will not cut corners. I will not get very far with this attitude. I will not belch the National Anthem. I will not sell land in Florida. I will not grease the monkey bars. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment. I will not do anything bad ever again. I will not show off. I will not sleep through my education. I am not a dentist. Spitwads are not free speech. Nobody likes sunburn slappers. High explosives and school don't mix. I will not bribe Principal Skinner. I will not squeak chalk. I will finish what I sta'Bart Bucks' are not legal tender. Underwear should be worn on the inside. The Christmas Pageant does not stink. I will not torment the emotionally frail.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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