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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of soho comedy club and other funny jokes |
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Short Joke
1. You have been on-line for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay on-line? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off. 2. You have been on-line 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you, but there are OTHER people in the world who would like to sign on. Let's show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, WHADDYA SAY?3. You DO realize that you have been on-line for 180 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside?4. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to upset us! If you sign off now, we'll bring back your buddy list, OK?5. You have been on-line for 360 minutes now! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up and go read a good book?!6. You have been on-line for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members names?7. You have been on-line for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain on-line?8. You have been on-line for 724 minutes. Steve Case is coming personally to your house to yank the phone cord!9. You have been on-line for 852 minutes. Do you KNOW how many hours that is??10. You have been on-line for 921 minutes. Do you realize that AOL averages 921 complaints per hour about busy phone lines? Do you realize that AOL receives9. 21 lawsuits per day, due to busy phone lines? PLEASE sign-off, to reduce these averages, or go to KEYWORD: Class Action to join a lawsuit. 11. You have been on-line for 967 minutes. When AOL went unlimited, they didn't think you would take it LITERALLY! So get OFF, before we go broke!12. You have been on-line for 1013 minutes. This is Steve Case, I need to sign-on myself and answer some mail. Could you PLEASE sign-off?13. You have been on-line for 1105 minutes. Are you and your family chatting in shifts? GEEZE get off already!14. You have been on-line 1151 minutes. WELCOME TO THE TEAM. . . See job application enclosed!
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Dumb Blonde Joke
What do you call a line of blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
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School Joke
If you carry less than a dollar on you at all times because that's all you have
2. If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class
3. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn
4. If you celebrate when you find a quarter
5. If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over
6. If your walls are plastered with posters of half naked men or women (whichever your preference)
7. If you have built up a tolerence for beverages (he he he)
8. If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself
9. If you get more sleep in class than in your room
10. If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles
11. If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes
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Funny Joke
Do you like my new jacket?It's great. Shame your body doesn't suit it, though.
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Easy to Remember Joke
A woman goes into her lawyers office requesting a divorce. He istaking all of her background information and asks her, 'Do you havegrounds for a divorce?'To which she replies, 'Well, we have three acres. ''No, ma'am. What I mean is, does he beat you up?' asks the attorney. 'No, I get up around 6:30 and he sleeps until 7:'00
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Ammonia.
Ammonia who?
Ammonia a bird in a gilded cage.
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Dumb People Joke
Why did God give deers eyes? I have no eye-deer!
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Pig Joke
What famous pig actor made a movie about Frankenswine? Boaris Karloff.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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