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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of sobriety jokes and other funny jokes |
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Totally Weird Joke
There are 3 people standing in front of a magic mirror. The mirror gives you anything you desire if you tell it the truth, but you disappear if you lie. The first person to talk to the mirror was a very fat brunette. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I am the thinnest person in the world. ' and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. The next person to come up to the mirror was a very ugly red head. She told the mirror 'I think I am the prettiest person in the world' and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. Lastly came the blonde. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think. . . ' and poof, the mirror gobbled her up.
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Pig Joke
What do you call an oversize motorcycle for pigs? A hog hog.
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Funny Kids Joke
What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?Lumpy milkshakes!What is the definition of a goose?An animal that grows down as it grows up!Why did Bo Peep lose her sheep?She had a crook with her!What do you give a pony with a cold?Cough Stirrup!What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?A horse!What happens when geese land in a volcano?They cook their own gooses!What do you call a pig with no clothes on?Streaky bacon!What is a horse's favorite sport?Stable tennis!What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?An udder failure!What do you give a sick pig?Oinkment!
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Funny Kids Joke
How do you make a glow worm happy?Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted!
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At Work Joke
BOSSES & TECHNOLOGYBoss: 'My laptop computer is locked up. Can you help?'Dilbert: 'Remember you have to hold it upside down and shake it toreboot. 'Boss: 'Oh, that's right. 'Wally: 'I wonder if he'll ever realise we gave him an 'Etch-A-Sketch. '
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Sunday, November '29
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Kids Puns
The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M. The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word 'Timbuktu'. The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:Slowly across the desert sandTrekked the dusty caravan. Men on camels, two by twoDestination-Timbuktu. The audience went wild!!! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that?! The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:Tim and me, a-huntin' went. Met three whores in a pop-up tent. They was three, we was two, So I bucked one and Timbuktu.
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Marriage Joke
At my cousin's wedding, my dad (who doesn't much care for his nephew's bride) thought it would be funny to flick his cigarette at her back as she walked down the aisle. It got caught in her hair and started to smolder. Her father had to get it out while she cried hysterically. Then he punched my Uncle Raymond, whom he thought had tossed it, right square in the forehead and ended up breaking his own hand. Good wedding.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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