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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of sms txt jokes and other funny jokes |
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Politics Humor
Democrats V. Republicans What it all boils down to ISSUE DEMOCRATS REPUBLICANS-------------------------------------------------------------------criminals Give them a second Give them the swift chance sword of death-------------------------------------------------------------------the poor Give them some food Give them the swift sword of death-------------------------------------------------------------------endangered give them protection Give them the swiftspecies sword of death-------------------------------------------------------------------dictators give them a way out Give them the swift sword of death-------------------------------------------------------------------the uninsured Give them some Given them the swift health care sword of death-------------------------------------------------------------------the cost $'9
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Computing Joke
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3. 1 to GirlFriendPlus1. 0 (marketing name: Fiancee1. 0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee1. 0 to Wife1. '0
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Bar Joke - 1
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing 'Tuff Enuff' by the Fabulous Thunderbirds. 'That IS amazing!' says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer. 'If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?' The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings 'You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet' by Bachman-Turner Overdrive. The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to. 'Are you nuts?' asks the bartender. 'You could've made a fortune off that frog. ' 'Can you keep a secret?' asks the man. 'The hamster's a ventriloquist. '
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Worlds Best Joke
The brash young gynecologist, fresh out of medical school, took one look at his voluptuous new patient and abandoned his professional ethics entirely. As he stroked the supple skin of her naked body, he asked, 'Do you understand what I am doing?''Yes, ' the patient answered. 'You're checking for dermatological abrasions. 'Correct, ' the doctor lied. Next, he fondled her breasts long and lovingly. Again, he inquired, 'Do you understand what I am doing?' 'You're feeling for cancerous lumps, ' she ventured. 'Very astute, ' the doctor complimented, getting more excited. He placed the woman's feet in stirrups, dropped his pants, and slipped his member inside her. 'And do you understand what I am doing now?' 'All too well, ' the patient shot back. 'You're contracting herpes!'
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Dirty Joke
Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A: They don't have balls to scratch.
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Best Joke Online
A patient says to his doctor, 'Hey, Doc! I've been getting these migraines for a long time now! I can't think straight! I need help!'. Doctor says to patient, 'You know what? I used to have the same problem, and whenever I do get migraines, I go home to my wife. She cooks me my favourite meal, rubs my toes, kiss my nipples and well (smiles sheepishly), you know what happens next!'. . . next day. . . patient says, 'Hey doc! Thanks for ur advice. It worked!'. Doctor says, 'Oh really? That's good to hear!'. 'Oh by the way, 'Patient says, 'You've got a great house!'
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Wednesday, October '21
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Waiter Joke
Customer: That crust on the apple pie was too tough. Waiter: That wasn't the crust, that was the pie plate.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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