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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of sms joke farsi and other funny jokes |
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Fishing Joke
One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, and he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. 'What a terrible weather today, honey. ' he said to her. 'Yes. And my idiot went fishing!'
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Internet Joke
Teacher: What are the four elements? Pupil: Fire, Earth, Water and the Internet. Teacher: What do you mean the Internet? Pupil: Well, Mum says that whenever I'm on the Net, I'm in my element.
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Biologist Joke
How do you eat a DNA spaghetti? With a replication fork (you can also use your zinc fingers. . . )
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Bird Joke
What do you call a parrot when it has dried itself after a bath? Polly unsaturated!
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Priceless Joke
Contest: Beer vs. PussyA beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement. Advantage: Beer. A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot. Advantage: Pussy. Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold pussy makes you married. Advantage: Beer. Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not. Advantage: Draw. If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted. Advantage: Pussy24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come in. Advantage: Pussy. Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer. Advantage: Pussy. If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible. Advantage: Beer. If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad. If you come home smelling like pussy - you're dead. Advantage: Beer. 6 beers in a night and you better not drive. 6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need. Advantage: PussyToo much beer and you get fat. Toom much pussy and it makes you poor. Advantage: DrawIt is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game. You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game. Advantage: PussyIf a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer. If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five! Advantage: PussyWith beer, bigger is better. Advantage: beer. If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal. If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic. Advantage: PussyPeeling labels off of beers is fun. Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun. Advantage: PussyIf you suddenly drop a beer, it may break. If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are. Advantage: Beer. If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back. Advantage: beer. The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it. Advantage: Pussy. The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it. Advantage: Beer. Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill. Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Dana Doran Advantage: DrawGood beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, New Castle. Good pussy: Almost all but the above. Advantage: Pussy. The government taxes beer. Advantage: Pussy. It's a close call, but the numbers never lie. Advantage: Pussy.
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Instrument Joke
Q: Why are organists like a broken-winded cab horse?A: They are always longing for another stop. Q: Why are a organist's fingers like lightning?A: Because they rarely strike the same place twice. Q: What do you get if you throw a piano down a mine shaft?A: A flat miner. Q: What do you get if you drop an organ on an army base?A: A flat major. Q: Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than a studio upright?A: It makes a louder noise, when you drop it off a cliff. Q: Why was the organ invented?A: So the musician would have a place to put his beer. Q: What does a German Hammond organist do in his life's most tender moments?A: He puts his Leslie on 'slow'. The organ is the instrument of worship for in its sounding we sense the majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God.
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Worlds Best Joke
THE MINISTRY OF HEALTH HAS PROPOSED THAT WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON BOOZE BOTTLES TO TIP OFF DRINKERS ABOUT THE POSSIBLE PERIL OF POUNDING A PINT OR TWO. 1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a sewer truck at 100 yards. 2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. 3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN. 4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. 5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party. 6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning. 7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway. 8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember). 9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead. 10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho.
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Weird Women Joke
God created woman, and she had 3 breasts. He said to the woman, 'Is there anything on you that you'd like tochange?'She said, 'Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?'God snapped his fingers and it was done. She exclaimed, holding the third breast in her hand, 'What am I going to do with this useless boob?'And God created man.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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