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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of smithys joke shop and other funny jokes |
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Situation Joke
Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in awfully deep. After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to thehospital, but on their way out of the front door they meet their daughter coming in with her boyfriend. The boyfriend takes control of the situation; he tells them he's studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing. Hethen sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow, andlow and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room. As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck. 'So' the wife says, 'what do you think he'll become after he finishesschool? A GP or a surgeon?' 'Well, ' says the man, rubbing his nose, 'by the smell of his fingers, I think he's likely to be our son-in-law. '
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Easy to Remember Joke
Good girls say 'thanks for a wonderful dinner'. . . Bad girls say, 'what's for breakfast?'Good girls never go after another girl's man. . . Bad girls go after him AND his brother. Good girls wear white cotton panties. . . Bad girls don't wear any. Good girls wax their floors. . . Bad girls wax their bikini lines. Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. . . Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls make chicken for dinner. . . Bad girls make reservations. Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies. . . Bad girls know they could do better. Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss. . . Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich. Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. . . Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls. Good girls love italian food. . . Bad girls love italian waiters.
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Dog Joke - 2
What dog always gets on everyone's nerves? A great pane!
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Dog Joke - 2
Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for a cat ? Cats can't drive !
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Assorted Joke
John and Claire are just newly married. They are still a little shy about doing the 'wild thing', so they decide to just refer to it as 'washing the clothes'. One night, Claire invites some of her friends over for dinner, but John is really horny and doesn't want to have to entertain their guests. So, as Claire is serving the main course, he whispers in her ear, 'Let's go wash the clothes'. Claire is horrified that he could even suggest such a thing while they're entertaining, and she refuses. John tries again, but she won't give in. Claire tells him instead to go upstairs and get the candleholders from the hall closet. Frustrated, John slowly walks up the stairs to get them. While he's upstairs, Claire thinks of the fun they'd have if they COULD 'wash the clothes'. Nah, she thinks. Not now. But eventually her imagination gets the best of her, and she tells the maid to run upstairs and tell John that she'll be up in a minute to help him. The maid finds John upstairs in the bedroom, and tells him that his wife will be up in a minute to help him wash the clothes. 'Tell her it's ok, ' says John. 'I already did them by hand. '
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Frog Joke
What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy ? Hoppalong Cassidy !
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Love and Marriage Joke
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop! The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen. How do you do that? Says the other. It's easy! I turn off the light!
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Top 100 Joke
You know you've been married too long when a 'Quickie' before dinner now means a drink.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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