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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of smiffys jokes and other funny jokes |
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Answer me this Joke
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
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Criminal Joke
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community. . . . and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, 'Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place'.
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Sporting Joke
A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him. 'Let's see your fishing license, Boy!' the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. 'Well, son,' said the Game Warden. 'You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!' 'Yes, sir,' replied the young guy. 'But my friend back there, well, he don't have one. '
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!
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Clean Joke
A German, an American, and a Mexican are traveling in the Amazon, and they get captured. The head of the tribe says to the German, 'What do you want on your back for your whipping?'The German responds, 'I will take oil!' So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, 'What do you want on your back?' 'I will take nothing!' says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch. 'What will you take on your back?' the Amazons ask the American. He responds, 'I'll take the Mexican. '
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Accountant Joke
Laws of Accounting 1. Trial balances don't 2. Bank reconciliations never do 3. Working Capital does not 4. Return on Investments never will
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Redneck Joke
What would you do if you had a condum with a holein it in one pocket, and a rattle snake in the other pocket? I don't know either, but I do know that I wouldn't screw with either one of them.
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Naughty Joke
After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry. 'Is that your husband?' he inquired nervously. 'No, silly, ' she replied, snuggling up to him. 'Your boyfriend then?' he asked. 'No, not at all, ' she said, nibbling away at his ear. 'Well, who is he then?' demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, she answered, 'That's me before the surgery. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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