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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of sixtieth birthday jokes and other funny jokes |
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge What's come over you? Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
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Elephant Joke
My elephants got no trunk ? How does it smell ? Terrible !
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Spoof Joke
One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. 'What's wrong dearest??' asked the confused husband. 'Oh darling, ' sobbed the wife, 'I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bedm, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do???''Well, ' replied the man. . . 'I guess a spanking is out of the question?'
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Bumper Stickers - 5
IRS: We’ve Got What It Takes To Take What You’ve Got.
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American Joke
i. People who point at their wrist asking for the time. . . I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
ii. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
iii. When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
iv. When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
v. When people say while watching a film, 'did ya see that?' No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!
vi. People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'. . . Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
vii. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
viii. When people say 'life is short'. What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?
ix. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?' If the bus came, would I be standing here???
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Spiked Humor
Top Ten Signs Your Relationship Is On The Rocks10. Her term of affection for you is 'You Bastard. '9. She shaves your eyebrows off while you are asleep. 8. She rushes to answer the phone each time it rings, and puts it down with a hushed, 'I can't talk now. . . I'll call you later. '7. Your picture on her wall has darts in it. 6. She reads books like 'Women are From Venus, Men Are Complete Assholes. '5. She falls asleep during sex. The oral kind. While she's giving it. 4. When you call her, she answers your voice with, 'Oh. It's only you. '3. She cancels your date because she has to clean out the septic tank. 2. She makes inquiries about going on the Witness Protection Program. And the Number One Sign Your Relationship Is On The Rocks. . . 1. Her cat pees on you. And receives a reward.
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Love and Marriage Joke
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, 'I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket. '
The man leans out, with a glint in his eye, and says 'I've got a better idea, let's pretend we're married. '
'Why not,' giggles the woman.
'Good,' he replies. 'Get your own damn blanket. '
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Welcome to California. Now Go Home.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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