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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of silly valentines day poems and other funny jokes |
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Bizarre Joke
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, 'Say, Father, what causes arthritis?' 'Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man. ' 'Wow, ' the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?' 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does. '
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Fishing Joke
What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment ? A flat fish !
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Computer Joke
Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb? A: Four. One to ask 'What is the registration number of the light bulb?', one to ask 'Have you tried rebooting it?', another to ask 'Have you tried reinstalling it?' and the last one to say 'It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine. . . '
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Dirty Joke
The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said, 'Nice pigs, sir'. The president replied, 'These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs. I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea. ' The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, 'Nice trade, sir. '
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Cat Joke
Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide?
Because he's always spotted.
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Satire Joke
A survey has found that about 90% of all Hallmark greeting cards are purchased by women. In order to attract more males to buy and exchange greeting cards, the following are some greeting card suggestions created to attract more male buyers:Cover picture: Dim, misty, moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: Condolances Inside caption: . . . on the loss of your remote control. Cover picture: Nostalgic picture of a young couple strolling through a field holding hands. Cover caption: Darling, as we go into our 10th year together. . . Inside caption: I swear I'll leave my wife soon!Cover picture: Gold-leafed picture of a vase of red roses. Cover caption: Get well soon, darling! Inside caption: This house doesn't clean itself!Cover picture: Two men standing on lush golf course, one of them ready to putt. Cover caption: To my golf partner. . . Inside caption: Just to let you know, I'm sleeping with my secretary. Cover picture: Dark moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: In sympathy, I'm sorry to hear the news. . . Inside caption: That you've been beaten senseless again in another bar fight. Cover picture: Norman Rockwell-ish painting of a young girl picking daisies. Cover caption: To the daughter that I love. . . Inside caption: No daughter of mine is leaving this house dressed like a slut!Cover picture: Misty photo of a couple embracing and kissing. Cover caption: To my wonderful wife. . . I know we've had a little disagreement Inside caption: But please don't cut off my sex organ as I sleep tonight!Cover picture: Photo of two men shaking hands. Cover caption: Congratulations and the best of luck! Inside caption: To the installation of your new hair plugs!
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Answer me this Joke
Consider one of the most perplexing questions of our time: Where do' solutions go when a candidate gets elected?
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Kids School Joke
How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs? They sit eggsaminations!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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