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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of silly valentine verses and other funny jokes |
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Language Joke
An American will say, 'Hot day!' A Canadian will say, 'Hot day, eh?' meaning 'It's a hot day, isn't it?'This is something deeper than spelling or pronunciation. It goes to the heart of the less-assertive Canadian character. The United States was born when Americans revolted against King George III and asserted their independence. Canada never came to a similar point of self-assertion and that little word 'eh?' is their refusal even to assert that it's a hot day without inviting somebody else to verify it. One definition of a Candian is 'a North American who refuses to join the revolution'. Another way to tell the difference between a Canadian and an American is to invite the suspected Canuck to lunch and watch him eat. If he's really upper crust, he'll eat like an Englishman, with knife and fork held firmly in his right and left hands. He'll cut with his knife, pack the results on the back of his fork and convey the food to his mouth with the fork still in this left hand. Many an American eats with knife and fork, too, but in a different way. He takes the knife in his right hand and the fork in his left to cut up the food. Then he puts the knife down and takes the fork in the right hand to convey the food to his mouth. A common garden-variety Canadian does the job differently. He doesn't use his knife at all, except for particularly stubborn steaks and other such tough foods. Instead he takes the fork in his right hand and leaves the knife beside his plate. Then he cuts the food with the edge of the fork and feeds himself with the fork held in the same hand. But suppose all these tests are inconclusive. There's one more, rather dangerous, way to tell a Canadian from an American. Just remark to the suspect that Canadians and Americans are so much alike that it's hard to tell one from the other. If the person involved is an American, he'll probably agree. But if he's a Canadian he'll let you know, in no unterms, that you're wrong. And that stubborn sense of difference is one main reason why the two countries, despite similarities, remain separate. (I'm pretty sure I agree with the last statement, but I'm not too sure if I like being called a wimp that doesn't even dare to assert that it's a hot day. (Which it is today. ) And I'm tremendously relieved to know that I'm upper crust when it comes to eating. -KO)
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Simple Joke
Two secretaries were talking about their work. 'I hate filing, ' said one. 'No matter how careful I am, I can never find the papers I'm looking for. I forget where I have filed them. ' 'I used to have that problem too, but no more, ' her blonde friend said. 'Now I make 26 copies of everything I type and file one under each letter of the alphabet. That way, I can't miss it!'
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Bumper Stickers - 1
Chicken Little was Right!
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock Who's there ! Adder ! Adder who ? Adder you get in here ?
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Answer me this Joke
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mine?
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Totally Weird Joke
Q. What did God say after creating Adam A. I must be able to do better than that. Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes. Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow. Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg? A. They won't stop to ask for directions. Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end? A. So men can be open minded. Q. How are men and parking spots alike? A. Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small. Q. What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common? A. They are all married.
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Politics Humor
Monica Lewinsky's tell-all book about her affair with the U. S. Presidenthas, for one Winnipeg Chapters outlet, not sold all that well after itsfirst day on the shelves, as reported by CBC Radio News. To draw attention to the book, or to perhaps add some perspective, theLewinksy book had three other titles surrounding it on its display:'Divorce for Dummies''100 Ways to Leave Your Lover''How to Remove Stains'
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Miscellaneous Joke
Sources close to President Clinton say he is proposing a newnational anthem for the United States, 'Yank my Dandy Doodle!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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