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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of silly slippers and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 7
There are only two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead!!!!
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Mad Joke
The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of 'yes/no' type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. 'I finished the exam in half and hour. But, she says, I am rechecking my answers!'
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Criminal Joke
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, 'Son, do you have a last request?' To which the man replied, 'Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?' 'Certainly, ' replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, 'Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?' 'Please, ' said the condemned man, 'kill me first. '
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Computers Joke
If Hewlett-Packard made toasters. . . They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.
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Priceless Joke
Day1:A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum, 'We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?'Mum replies: 'yes dear'Day 2:'We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?'Mum replies: 'yes dear'Day 3:'We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?'Mum replies: 'No dear, it's because your 25.
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Computing Joke
Microsoft Trademarks the Trademark Symbol By Vince Sabio HumourNet Communications, Ltd. REDMOND, Wash (UPI) - Software and marketing giant Microsoft Corporation (MSFT) announced today that it has purchased the rights to the well-known 'trademark' symbol, formerly denoted as 'tm' in most print media. The symbol is commonly used to identify commercial product names that have not yet been registered with the U. S. Patent and Trademark Office. 'It was a natural, ' commented John Schexnader, of Microsoft's Ministry of Information. 'Several of us were sitting around after a board meeting a few months ago, and we were talking about what we should buy next. We were tossing around the idea of purchasing a country or two in South America, as kind of a follow-up to Sun Microsystems' trademark-infringement claim against The Island Formerly Known As Java, when it occurred to us that there are no countries named 'ActiveX. ' We talked about changing the name of 'ActiveX' to 'Chile' or 'Brazil' -- which would also help distance it from all those recently-uncovered security holes -- when someone joked that we'd save a lot of time and effort in the long run if we'd just trademark the trademark symbol. ' Schexnader continued, 'At first, we all just laughed -- but one look at Bill's face, and we knew we'd be on the phone with the Patent and Trademark Office in the morning. ' Microsoft hasn't wasted any time enforcing the new trademark. According Rue B. Goldberg, an attorney with Microsoft's Ministry of Litigation and Law Enforcement, 'Use of the 'tm' symbol will now be restricted to Microsoft and its subsidiaries, like the Catholic Church. ' But companies wishing to use the '(tm)' symbol will not be left out in the cold; according to Goldberg, Microsoft has developed a new symbol, '(tMS)
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Business Joke
Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company. 'Would you spell that, please?' 'Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you. ' The operator pauses. 'Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor . . . '
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Idiot and fool Joke
Did you hear about the idiot who filled out an employment application? In the blank labeled 'Church Preference' he filled in: Red brick.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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