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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of silly sids derby and other funny jokes |
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor I snore so loud I keep myself awake Sleep in another room then!
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Free Adult Joke
Even a two button mouse gives him too many options. Evidence for the theory of a missing link. Failed the Turing test. Fell out of the family tree. Fifty-one cards short of a full deck. Fighting the war with a starter pistol / water pistol / pop gun / cap gun. Finds a flat by swapping tires. Finds canonical humor collections amusing. Finds Sesame Street / knock-knock jokes challenging. Fired from McDonald's for having a short attention span. Fired her retro-rockets a little late. Flaky. Flat out like a lizard drinking. Flying/landing on one engine. Focused like a 12 gauge shotgun. Fog rolled in the day he was born, and a bit of it never rolled out. Folds ace plus red jack hand when playing blackjack. Foreign substances float in his cranial fluids. Forgot to pay his brain bill. Found his marbles, but is playing jacks with them. Four bits shy of a full DEC. Four cents short of a nickel. Full of wisdumb. Full throttle, dry tank. Fur coat and no knickers. (Scottish expression. ) Gasoline engine, diesel fuel. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. Gavel doesn't quite hit the bench. Gears grind/don't always mesh. Gets her mail at an unknown zip code.
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Silliest Joke
There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor. After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help. 'Doctor, ' she said, 'I have a very bad gas problem. ''A gas problem?' replied the doctor. 'Yes. Yesterday afternoon, I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh. . . silent gas emissions. Last night, I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had (blush) four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions!Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?''Well, ' said the doctor, 'I think the first thing we're going to do is give you a hearing test!'
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Mixed Joke
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. 'Just to establish some parameters, ' said the professor to the student from Arkansas, 'What is the opposite of joy?''Sadness, ' said the student. And the opposite of depression?' he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. 'Elation, ' said she. 'And you sir, ' he said to the young man from Texas, 'how about the opposite of woe?'The Texan replied, 'Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up. '
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College Humor
Why God Doesn't Have a PhD:1. He has only one major publication. 2. It was in Hebrew. 3. It had no references. 4. It wasn't published in a referred journal. 5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?7. His cooperative efforts have been very limited. 8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects. 10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his test. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop. 17. He's been known to associate with prostitutes.
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Old People Joke
OLD WANTS never die, they become needsOLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of timeOLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwindOLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind downOLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign foreverOLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorgedOLD WOOL COATS never die, they just become mothballedOLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their gripOLD YACHTSMEN never die, they just keel overWALT DISNEY didn't die, he's in suspended animationThere is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics, -- but their future is doubtful
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Easter Joke
What would you get if you crossed a skunk with a type of Easter candy? Smelly beans!
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Irish Joke
Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one day about Mr. Riley and his constant drinking. Mrs. Dugan said, 'I have an idea about how to stop him from spending so much time at the pub. Every night he comes home through the cemetery. One night you should get disguised and spook him when he comes staggering through. ' So Mrs. Riley waited in the cemetery one night until she heard her husband coming. She jumped up and a startled Riley said, 'Who are you??' Mrs. Riley replied, 'I am the devil!' With that, Riley shook her hand and said, 'Glad to meet ya, I'm married to your sister. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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