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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of silly old baboon and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Oh look! just 2,852,677 more days til i start caring what you think.
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Religion Joke
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before theyrealize there is no soap. Father John says he hassome soap in his room and goes to get it, notbothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap inhis hands and heads back to the showers. He getshalfway down the hall when he sees three nunsheading his way. Having no place to hide, hestands against the wall and freezes like he's astatue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls hisdick. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. 'Oh look, ' says the 2nd nun. . . 'A soap dispenser. 'To test her theory she also pulls his dick. . . andsure enough he drops the last bar of soap. Thethird nun then pulls, first once, then twice andthree times. Still nothing happens. So she triesonce more and to her delight she yells. . . 'Look, hand cream!'
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Funny Joke - 50 best Joke
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? - She starts her sentence with 'A man once told me. . . '
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Strange Humor
In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, 'Charlie, what are you doing?'Charlie replied, 'Driving to Chicago!' The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, 'Well Charlie, how are you doing?'Charlie says, 'I just got into Chicago'. 'Great, ' replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, 'Bob, what are you doing?!'Bob says, 'I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!'
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Insect Joke
What does a spider do when he gets angry ? He goes up the wall !
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Situations Humor
A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about10 Minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering & swearing very softly. The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is. 'Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal andput a gun to my head'. 'Jesus Christ! What happened?''He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!''Yeah, then what?''Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you?'
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Funny Men Joke
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. 'Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10. ' Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: 'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks. ' Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: 'Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better. '
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Car and train Joke
A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?' And the minister says, 'Just water. ' The sheriff says, 'Then why do I smell wine?' And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord, He's done it again!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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