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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of silly costumes and other funny jokes |
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Blue.
Blue who?
Blue away with the wind!
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Instrument Joke
Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies. He manages to make contact with Abe the next day. Abe says, 'I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?'Max replies, 'Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing 'Sheherezade, ' your favorite piece, tomorrow night!'Abe says, 'So what's the bad news?'Max replies, 'Well, you're booked to play the solo!'
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Children Joke
Teacher: 'Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?' Student: 'So we know when to start Christmas shopping!'
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School Joke
We used to call it 'recess. ' Today they call it 'cease fire. '
College would be great if it weren't for all the classes.
I’m failing geometry because I refuse to believe that pie are squared.
Someone died of a brain aneurism today while taking a standardized test. The last thing anyone saw him do was stand up, pull all his hair out and yell, “ABACADABA!! ABACADABA!!!!”
The school board decided to remove speech and debate from the course schedule; there was no argument.
Our school is very low-budgeted; our physics book is so out of date the last chapter deals with combustion.
School is just an elaborate plot by vampires to obtain the blood of teenagers through periodic blood-drives.
Today in Art class we were going to paint a nude model, but the teacher sent her to the office for violating dress code.
Fifth graders in Texas are using worms to recycle garbage from school lunches. But even the worms won't eat the Salisbury steak
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Mom Joke
You automatically double-knot everything you tie.
You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.
You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!
You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.
You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.
You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.
You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, 'Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?'
You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!
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Cowboy Joke
A police officer saw a man dressed as a cowboy in the street, complete with huge stetson hat, spurs, and six shooters. 'Excuse me, sir, ' said the police officer, 'who are you?' 'My name's Tex, officer, ' said the cowboy. ' eh?' said the police officer, 'Are you from Texas?' 'Nope, Louisiana. ' 'Louisiana? So why are you called Tex?' 'Don't want to be called Louise, do I .
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Celebrities Joke
Iraqi TV Guide MONDAY8:00 Husseinfeld8:30 Mad About Everything9:00 Suddenly Sanctions9:30 Allah McBealTUESDAY8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says its Right9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things9:30 Iraq's Funniest Public Execution BloopersWEDNESDAY8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy9:00 Just Shoot Me9:30 VeilwatchTHURSDAY8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H9:00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses9:30 My Two BaghdadsFRIDAY8:00 Judge Saddam8:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things9:00 Achmed's Creek9:30 No-witness News
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Travel and tourist Joke
A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk! He runs around and yells, 'Hey, bud, this is my car!' 'OK, ' the man says, 'You take the front and I`ll take the back. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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