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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of silly cat videos and other funny jokes |
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Computers Joke
The Y-Zero-K Problem Translated from a recently discovered Latin scroll dated 2BC Dear Cassius: Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? This change from BC to AD is giving us many headaches; there is not much time left. I don't know how citizens will cope with working the wrong way around. Having been working happily downwards forever, now we have to start thinking upwards. You would think that someone would have thought of this earlier and not left it to us to sort it out at the last minute. I spoke to Caesar the other evening. He was livid that Julius hadn't done something about it when he was working out the calendar. He said he could see why Brutus turned nasty. We called in Consultus, but he simply said that continuing downwards using minus BC won't work and as usual charged a fortune for doing nothing useful. Surely, we will not have to throw out all our hardware and start again? Macrohard will make yet another fortune out of this, I suppose. The money lenders are paranoid of course! They have been told that all usury rates will invert, and they will have to pay their clients to take out loans. It is an ill wind. . . . As for myself, I just cannot see how the sand in an hourglass will flow upwards. We have heard that there are three wise men in the East who have been working on the problem, but unfortunately they won't arrive until it's all over. I have heard that there are plans to stable all horses at midnight at the turn of the year as there are fears that they will stop and try to run backwards, causing immense damage to chariots and possible loss of life. Some say the world will cease to exist at the moment of transition. Anyway, we are still continuing to work on this acursed Y zero K problem. I will send you a parchment if anything further develops. If you have any ideas please let me know, Plutonius Sent by Marina
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Joke of the Day
A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch. The bartender, a little worried, asks him if he's okay. 'No, I'm not, ' the guy replies. 'I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend. ' 'Well, ' asks the bartender, 'what did you say to your wife?' 'Nothing. I'm not speaking to that bitch anymore. ' 'Well, what did you say to your best friend?' 'BAD DOG! BAD DOG!'
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Military Joke
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone ? A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
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Bar Joke - 2
When He Says - He Really Means ------------ - ---------------- Do you have the time? - to go to bedHello - Let's cut the talk and go have sex. How are you? - in bed, I mean. I'd like a discreet relationship. - I want sex, but I'm married. I'll be out of town for a few days. - I'll be spending time with with the wife. I'm a novelist. - I have 10 unpublished books. I'm coming off a long relationship. - My wife is divorcing me. I'm consulting. - I'm looking for a job. I'm divorced. - I just slipped off my wedding ring. I'm in television. - I fix them. I'm involved in banking. - I'm a bank guard. I'm self-employed. - I just got fired. I'm sorry I flirted with your sister. - I'm sorry I got caught. I'm thinking of relocating. - I can't find a job locally in this town. I can't leave my wife just yet. . soon. - Be patient forever. I enjoy reading. - Playboy and Penthouse. I have the Midas touch. - I install mufflers. I like a woman who is intelligent. - As long as she acts like I'm smarter. I love opera. - I want sex, but I've seen an opera once. I play the market. - SafewayI work high up in an executive office. - I'm a window washer. I work with computers. - I'm a cashier at a gas station. Looking for a satisfying relationship. - I want sex. My business is really hot right now! - I hand out towels in a steam room. My job keeps me running. - I'm a messenger. My wife and I are separated. - She's at home and I'm here at the bar.
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Bar Joke - 2
Q: What's long, black, and never ends?A: The unemployment line!Q: What can't you give a black person?A: A black eye, fat lip, or a job!
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Practical Joke
Tombstone Epitaph:Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:Born 1903--Died 1942Looked up the elevator shaft to see ifthe car was on the way down. It was.
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Fun Joke
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip . . . but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. Frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree?Where would you like me to stick it?'Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
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Naughty Joke
'The Seven Dwarfs were all in bed feeling Happy-then he got out of bedso they felt Grumpy instead. . . . . '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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