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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of silly birthday gifts and other funny jokes |
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Dirty Joke
A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, 'Come here quick, Charlie! I'm paralyzed! I can't get up!' He comes in, takes a look, and says, 'Stand up, you silly old bat. You're kneeling on one of your tits. '
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Assorted Joke
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. 'Father, ' he said, 'I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. ' His father replied, 'Don't you love this girl?' 'Oh yes, very much, ' he said, 'but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them. ' 'No problem, ' said dad, 'all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed. ' Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom. 'Mom, ' she said, 'When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful. ' 'Honey, ' her mother consoled, 'everyone has bad breath in the morning. ' 'No, you don't understand, . My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me. ' Her mother said simply, 'Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. ' 'I shouldn't say good morning or anything?' the daughter asked. 'Not a word, ' her mother affirmed. 'Well, it's certainly worth a try, ' she thought. The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, 'What on earth are you doing?' 'Oh, my, ' he replies, 'you've swallowed my sock!'
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Redneck Joke
John : I don't know what to buy - a cow or a bicycle. Peter : You will look silly riding a cow. John : I will look even sillier trying to milk a bicycle.
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Telephone Joke
What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you? A phone moan.
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Barbie doll Joke
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - FrankenBarbie . . . comes with bolts through her neck
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Worst Joke
'Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:. . . . . . . . . . . . . What was I thinking?''Congratulations on your wedding day!. . . . . . . . . . . . . Too bad no one likes your wife. ''How could two people as beautiful you. . . . . . . . . . . . have such an uglybaby?''I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. . . . . . . . . After having met you, I've changed my mind. ''I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. . . . . . . . . . . I neverbelieved in Hell until I met you. ''As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am. . . . . . . that you're nothere to ruin it for me. ''As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy. . . ''Thanks for being a part of my life!!!. . . . . . . . . . I never knew what evil was before this!''Before you go, . . . . . . . . . I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again. ''Someday I hope to get married. . . . . . . . . . . . but not to you. ''You look great for your age. . . . . . . Almost Lifelike!''When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. . . . . . . . . Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise. ''I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. . . . . . . So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys. ''We have been friends for a very long time. . . . . . . . . . . What do you say we call it quits?''I'm so miserable without you. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . It's almost like you're here. ''Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Did you everfind out who the father was?''You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket. . . . I'd miss you heaps and think of you often. ''Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday--------- So we're having you put to sleep. '
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Computer Joke
Student: 'Would it be possible to install Arabic language support on those computers?' Computer Teacher: 'In order to use Arabic language in Windows, you must install an Arabic graphic card. So I don't think we could do that. '
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Dog Joke - 2
Why is it hard for Chihuahuas to type on a keyboard?
They're all paws.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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