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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of silly billy signs and other funny jokes |
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Top 100 Joke
Q. ) What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office? A. ) They're hiring. Q. ) What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? A. ) 'Dam. 'Q. ) How do crazy people go through the forest? A. ) They take the psycho path. Q. ) What do Eskimos get from sitting on the toilet too long? A. ) Polaroids. Q. ) What do the letters D. N. A. stand for? A. ) National Dyslexia Association. Q. ) What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A. ) Nacho Cheese. Q. ) What do you call Santa's helpers? A. ) Subordinate Clauses. Q. ) What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? A. ) Quattro sinko. Q. ) What do you get from a pampered cow? A. ) Spoiled milk. Q. ) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A. ) Frostbite. Q. ) What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A. ) A nervous wreck. Q. ) What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? A. ) Anyone can roast beef. Q. ) Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A. ) They all have phones. Q. ) What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? A. ) Sanka. Q. ) Why do gorillas have big nostrils? A. ) Because they have big fingers. Q. ) What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie? A. ) A dog that runs for help . . . after it bites your leg off. Q. ) What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A. ) A stick.
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Practical Joke
Tombstone Epitaph in Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:Here lies the bodyof Jonathan BlakeStepped on the gasInstead of the brake.
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Mom and Dad Joke
Things My Mother Taught MeMy Mother taught me LOGIC. . . 'If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me. ' My Mother taught me MEDICINE. . . 'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way. ' My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD. . . 'If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!' My Mother taught me ESP. . . 'Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?' My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE. . . 'What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you. . . Don't talk back to me!' My Mother taught me HUMOR. . . 'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. ' My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT. . . 'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. My mother taught me about GENETICS. . . 'You are just like your father!' My mother taught me about my ROOTS. . . 'Do you think you were born in a barn?' My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE. . . 'When you get to be my age, you will understand. ' My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. . . 'Just wait until your father gets home. ' My mother taught me about RECEIVING. . . You are going to get it when we get home. and my all time favorite thing - JUSTICE. . . 'One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU. . then you'll see what it's like. '
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Election Joke
Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ronald Reagan are in a boat in the Potomac, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life preserver jacket.
Bill says: 'Let's do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life preserver. ' They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Bush and Reagan get one vote each; Clinton gets six.
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Funny Famous Joke
It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis, Minnesota, who decided to go to Miami Beach for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter. The airlines have crazy frequent flyer rules, and the wife ended up on a flight the day after her husband. The husband made it down to Florida and arrived at his hotel. Upon getting to his room, he decided to open his laptop and send his wife back in Minneapolis an email. Unfortunately, he didn't notice he had misspelled his wife's email address In South Carolina, a widow had just returned from the funeral of her husband, a Methodist pastor of many years, who had been called to glory just a few days earlier. She decided to check her email because she was expecting to hear from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first email, she let out a loud scream, fainted and fell to the floor. The woman's son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor. He glanced up at the computer screen and saw the following email message: To My Loving Wife: I've just been checked in. Everything has been prepared for your arrival here tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Your Devoted Husband. P. S. Sure is hot down here.
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Romance Joke
The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. 'Elliot, ' she said, pointing 'do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?'The husband looked over and nodded. 'Well, ' the woman continued, 'he's been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!'The husband returned to his meal. 'Nonsense, ' he said, 'even that's not worth so much celebrating!'
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Bumper Stickers - 5
It’s been one of those days all week
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Tennis.
Tennis who?
Tennis-see!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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