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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of silly billy blue hat and other funny jokes |
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
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Simple Joke
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats. Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be. At least dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you. Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes. Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it. Cat rule #2: Bite the hand that won't feed you fast enough. Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit. Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right. Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner. Cats know what we feel. They don't care, but they know. Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God. I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic. I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats. On the Internet, nobody knows you're a cat. One cat just leads to another. People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life. Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well. There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats. When I wash the cat, it takes me hours to get the hair off my tongue. You can always tell a cat, but you can't tell him much.
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Science Joke
What do a meteorologist in a snowstormand a woman's sex life have in common?They're both concerned with how manyinches and how long it will last.
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Fishing Joke
A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?' The man replied to the game warden, 'No, sir. These are my pet fish. ' 'Pet fish?!' the warden replied. 'Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home. ' 'That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!' The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, 'Here, I'll show you. It really works. ' 'O. K. I've GOT to see this!' The game warden was curious. The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, 'Well?' 'Well, what?' the man respond ed. 'When are you going to call them back?' the game warden prompted. 'Call who back?' the man asked. 'The FISH' 'What fish?' the man asked.
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Spelling Joke
What ten letter word starts with g-a-s? Automobile.
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War Joke
Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, 'Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind ?'
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Marriage Joke
I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
'I'm sorry,' the clerk said. 'This man just ordered our last bunch. ' The desperate customer turned to me and begged, 'May I please have those roses?'
'What happened?' I asked. 'Did you forget your wedding anniversary?'
'It's even worse than that,' he confided. 'I crashed my wife's hard drive!'
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Business Joke
An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following: 'Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page '438
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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