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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of silly ball and other funny jokes |
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School Joke for Kids
What do you call a closet full of lesbians?A liquor cabinet.
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School Joke
Letter from Daughter to Parents Dear Mother and Dad:It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remissin writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not havingwritten before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY!Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and theconcussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when itcaught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only getthose sick headaches once a day. Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendantat the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the firedepartment and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and sinceI had nowhere to live, because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enoughto invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply inlove and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, butit will be before my pregnancy begins to show. Yes Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forwardto being grrandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it thelove, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reasonfor the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infectionwhich prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests and I carelesslycaught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injectionsI am taking daily. I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind andalthough not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a differentrace and religion than ours, I know your oft expressed tolerance will notpermit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darkerthan ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background isgood too, for I am told that his father is an important gun-bearer in thevillage in Africa from which he came. Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there wasno dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I wasnot in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not havesyphillis and there is no man (of any color) in my life. However, I am gettinga 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science and I wanted you to see those marksin the proper perspective. Yours- Your Loving Daughter
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Law Enforcement Joke
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. 'Okay, ' the sheriff drawled, 'Gomer, what is 1 and 1?' '11' he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, 'That's not what I meant, but he's right. ' 'What two days of the weekstart with the letter 'T'?' 'Today and tomorrow. ' He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. 'Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?' Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, 'I don't know. ' 'Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?' So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. 'It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!'
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Bumper Stickers - 6
RECYCLE YOUR ANIMALS
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Practical Joke
Q: What's red and goes up and down?A: A tomato in an elevator. Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?A: We have to stick together. Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?A: Hello, hello. Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?A: A bulldoser. Q: When is a baseball player like a thief?A: When he steals a base. Q: What did the can say to the can opener?A: You make me flip my lid. Q: What is a volcano?A: A mountain with the hiccups. Q: What do you find at the end of everything?A: The letter 'g'. Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?A: He called a toe truck. Q: Why do two skunks argue?A: Because they like to kick up a stink. Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier?A: You can count on me. Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?A: Put them in a barking lot. Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?A: He wanted to be a cool cat. Q: What did the painter say to the wall?A: One more crack and I'll plaster you. Q: Why is baseball like a cake?A: They both need batters. Q: What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?A: Take me to your weeder. Q: What kind of shoes do you make with banana skins?A: Slippers!Q: What did the rug say to the floor?A: I've got you covered!Q: How do you make antifreeze?A: You steal her blanket. Q: Why does a cow wear a bell?A: Because her horns don't work.
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College Humor
Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God!
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Joke for Speeches
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, 'if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?' 'Absolutely, ' the lawyer responded. The butcher immediately shot back, 'Good! You owe me $7. 99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning. ' The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7. 99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer. The contents reads 'Consultation: $25. 00. '
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School Joke for Kids
A white guy is being shipped off to Jamaica for a year with the army. His fiance, Wendy, is really worried about her man being unfaithful, so she asks him to tattoo her name to his penis. . . He agrees, and does so. When his penis isn't erect you can see the letters W and Y. The woman feeling secure knowing that her name is tattooed on her man's penis says good-bye to her fiance and he leaves for Jamaica. One day, while in Jamaica, the guy is at the urinal and a black Jamaican comes and stands at the urinal next to him. . . The white guy happens to notice that the Jamaican also has a tattoo on his penis and he could see the letters W and Y, so he says to the Jamaican, 'Wow, that's really interesting, I guess you have a girlfriend named Wendy too?'And the Jamaican looks at him with a puzzled look and then stretches out his penis and it says. . . 'Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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