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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of silly aprons and other funny jokes |
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Apple Joke
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
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Sport Joke
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, 'Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?' 'Yes, ' the golfer responded. 'Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?' 'Yes, I did. How did you know?' he asked. 'Well, ' said the policeman very seriously, 'Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?' The golfer thought it over carefully and responded. . . 'I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb. '
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Mad Joke
There was this bartender and he was working at the bar one night. In walked a group of blondes and they were chanting '44 days! 44 days!' One of the blondes was carrying a picture puzzle of Cookie Monster in a frame. The bartender leaned towards the blonde holding the puzzle and asked, 'Why are you chanting 44 days?' She set down the puzzle on the counter and said, 'A lot of people think us blondes are dumb, so to show them, we bought this puzzle and put it together. It said 1-3 months but we completed it in 44 days!'
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Village Idiot Joke
Seen in my local paper's 'readers sales' section. FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of encyclopaedia Britannica. 45 Volumes. Excellent condition. 1000 pounds or best offer. Reason for sale:- No longer required. Got married last weekend. Wife knows F**king everything.
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Situations Humor
A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when arobber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells tothe bartender, 'This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!' The scared bartender pleads, 'Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!' The robber yells, 'Shut up and empty the cash register!' The bartender says, 'Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!' The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's head and says, Alright, now give me a blowjob!' 'Anything!' cries the bartender, 'Just don't shoot!' The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it backto the crook and yells, 'Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friendsmight walk in!'
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Cop Joke
Lady:(standing in the middle of a busy street) Officer, can you tell me how to get to the Hospital? Officer: Just stand where you are!!!
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Dirty Joke
Q: Why is a blonde like Australia? A: They're both down under, and no one cares.
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Computer Joke
A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions. Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. 'There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us, ' he announced. 'Since I'm the pilot, I get one!' After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane. 'I'm the world's greatest athlete, ' proclaimed Michael Jordon. 'This world needs great athletes, so I must live. ' Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane. 'I'm the smarest man in the world, ' bragged Bill Gates. 'The world needs smart men, so I must also live!' Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane. At this point, the Pope began to speak. 'I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane. ' 'You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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