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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of short xmas jokes and other funny jokes |
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American Joke
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I really recommend it. '
The other man said, 'What's the name of the restaurant?'
The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration and finally says to his companion, 'Ah, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?'
His friend replies, 'A Carnation?'
'No. No. The other one,' the man says.
His friend offers another suggestion, 'The Poppy?'
'No,' growls the man, 'You know the one that is red and has thorns. '
His friend says, 'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, yes that's it,' the first man says.
He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
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Joke for Speeches
If ever you want to annoy someone who annoys you, just say this punchline to a friend as you're walking by the annoying someone. Repeat this ritual (making sure the annoyance can hear you) constantly, but never tell the annoying someone the rest of the joke. It will eventually drive them slightly insane!The punchline is: 'And then the president said, 'But that's not *my* duck!'What really is the rest of the joke? In your dreams, baby!
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Teeth Joke
Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed? To catch her false teeth.
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Funny Famous Joke
A single man in his 40's often has a problem finding women at his level of maturity. That's why he dates someone half his age.
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I put in contacts for this?
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Kids Puns
What's the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary?Get married on his birthday.
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Relationships Joke
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
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American Joke
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker are captured by a
fierce tribe. The chief approaches them and says, 'The bad news
is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you and
then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you
get to choose how you die. '
The Frenchman says, 'I take ze poison. ' The chief gives him some
poison, the Frenchman says, 'Vive la France!' and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, 'A pistol for me, please. ' The chief gives
him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, 'God save the
queen!' and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, 'Gimme a fork. ' The chief is puzzled, but
he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork
and starts jabbing himself all over-the stomach, the sides, the
chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's
horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, 'What are you
doing???' The New Yorker looks at the chief and laughs, 'So much
for your canoe!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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