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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of short witty jokes and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Repetition is always better the second time.
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Cat Joke
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
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Love and Marriage Joke
Good News, Bad News, Worse News IV Good: Your son's finally maturing Bad: He's involved with the woman next door Worse: So are you
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Dumb Men Joke
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? Close the door.
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Bumper Stickers - 1
The road to hell is paved with republicans
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Dog Joke - 1
DOG FOR SALE.
EASY TO KEEP.
EATS ANYTHING.
FOND OF CHILDREN.
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Joke for Speeches
What the world is like in TV land:1. If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and fall. 2. Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation. 3. Crazed maniacs have super-human strength. 4. The suburbs are exciting. 5. Good guys always shoot better than bad guys. 6. Good guys are always outnumbered. 7. Good guys always win and get the girl. 8. Good guys are always good looking. 9. Ugly people are always bad guys. 10. Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways. 11. There are no ugly women, only ugly men. 12. Court cases are all solved with a surprise witness. 13. Good guys are the only ones who have a sense of humor. 14. Cars will explode in all accidents. 15. Everyone has a dark secret. 16. Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten. 17. Haunted houses are never locked. 18. The police are smart. 19. Good guys will only get shot in the arm or leg. 20. All Asian people know Karate. 21. Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music. 22. Rich people are unhappy and evil. 23. Teenagers are smarter than their parents. 24. Indians make good cannon fodder. 25. Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders. 26. Computers never crash. a) Teenagers can access any computer by using their PC's. b) Computers know everything. c) The same 2 keys are used to do everythingd) The user is typing constantly just to display screens of info27. When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from the corner of their mouth. 28. No one farts, except after eating beans. 29. Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 or 40 bad guys. 30. Bad guys make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but never stick around to see if it works. 31. Christmas Eve and Halloween night last for three or four days. 32. Movies based on true stories are made up. 33. Police never wait for back-up. 34. Undercover cops are too good to be spotted. 35. Private detective work is glamorous. 36. All baseball games will be won with a home run in the bottom of the ninth and two outs. 37. All police killings are in self-defense. 38. Everyone wins in Las Vegas. 39. Good guys don't do drugs. 40. The world is teeming with voluptuous, young women who are desperate to have sex with pennyless young guys. 41. Nobody ever has trouble finding good parking spots when they are in a hurry. 42. High School students look thirty years old. 43. Women never do housework, but their homes are always clean. 44. Street vendors' carts are magnetically attracted to high-speed car chases. 45. Everyone knows how to pick a lock with one tool. 46. To kill a vampire, you must set out 5 min before sunset. 47. Nobody ever realizes until the end of a monster movie, that everyone that went into that dark cellar never came out. 48. The group always splits up to look for the alien. 49. The last 5 minutes of any TV show will explain the entire plot. 50. The last 5 minutes of any TV show will be stretched out for 20 minutes with commercials. 51. The crazed killer always steps out from behind the door without the victim seeing or hearing him until he is about to drive a huge carving knife or pitchfork into them. 52. Whenever someone hears a noise in the dark they always have to check it out. 53. The crazed killer always walks and still catches the person he wants to kill. 54. All people chasing someone can catch up to a constant distance behind them quickly, but can't use that speed to actually catch the person they're chasing. 55. No-one ever locks a car when they get out of it (even in New York).
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Bar Joke - 2
These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells 'I don't serve strings in this bar. The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders. The bartender shouts, 'Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?'
The string says 'Yeah. '
The bartender says, 'aren't you a string?'
The string says, 'No, I'm a frayed knot. . . '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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