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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of short text message jokes and other funny jokes |
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Funny College Joke
Yo mamma's so stupid she got trapped in a bathroom and wet her pants!
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Bitter Bianca ! Bitter Bianca who ? Bitter Bianca next train out of here, pardner !
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Legal Humor
A very very rich gentleman dies, leaving his fortune to his only living friends, a Doctor, a CEO, and a Lawyer. But being the eccentric he was, his will stipulated that each one must place their third of the money in his coffin before he is put in his final resting place. The funeral comes and goes. Over a year later the three friends are talking over lunch and the topic of the old man and his strange ways comes into the conversation. The Doctor finally says 'I have to be honest, I didn't place ALL of the money into his coffin, I kept five million'. Then the CEO states 'Well, I have to admit that I too kept some of the cash. Ten million to be exact'. The Lawyer glares at the two and says 'I am ASHAMED of you two, I wrote a check for the FULL amount!'
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Sport Joke
These are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world. Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, 'Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye. 'New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:'I want to rush for '1
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Witch Joke
First witch: My, hasn't your little girl grown ? Second witch: Yes, she's certainly gruesome.
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Statistics and Math Joke
It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. -- S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.
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Computers Joke
The Latest Breaking News on the GoodTimes Virus It turns out that this so-called hoax virus is verydangerous after all. Goodtimes will re-write your harddrive. Not only that, it will scramble any disks that areeven close to your computer. It will recalibrate yourrefrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goesmelty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your creditcards, screw up the tracking on your television and usesubspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try toplay. It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. Itwill mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink allyour beer and leave dirty socks on the coffee table whencompany comes over. It will put a dead kitten in the backpocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys whenyou are late for work. Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. Itwill give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will poursugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrowswhile dating your girlfriend behind your back and billingthe dinner and hotel room to your Discover card. It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter ifshe is dead, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches outbeyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear. It moves your car randomly around parking lots so youcan't find it. It will kick your dog. It will leavelibidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice!It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifyingto behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leavethe toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methamphetaminein your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stovewhile it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your newsnowblower.
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Worst Joke
Two cannibals meet one day. . . The first cannibal says, 'You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender. 'The second cannibal asks, 'What kind of Missionary do you use?'The reply, 'You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads. ''Ah, Ha!' the second cannibal replies, 'No wonder--those are fryers!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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