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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of shona jokes and other funny jokes |
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Politics Humor
If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood andBill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. After he didn't move for a half-an-hour, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down. The poor man started crying. The truck driver turned and said: 'Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying. ' 'No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me. 'When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. 'I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home depressed and came to this bar. And now, when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, YOU show up and drink my poison . . . '
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Short Stupid Joke
An old hillbilly and his wife had never been more than 7 miles from their home in the East Tennesse Smokies. One day the man said to his wife, 'Honey, you know we're not getting any younger and I sure would like to take a vacation and stay in one of those fancy hotels in the city before I die. 'That sounded good to her so they started scrimping and saving. Four years later they had enough for them and their never-married adult son to go and spend 5 nights in a very posh hotel in the big city. They all piled into the man's old pickup and headed out. When they got to the hotel the man said to his wife, 'Mama, you just wait in the truck. Junior and I will go in and be sure this is the right place. 'When they stepped into the lobby they both thought they had died and gone to heaven. There were indoor streams and water fountains, polished marble and gleaming brass everywhere. But the most amazing thing of all was the elevators. They stood there and watched the lights flash, the doors open and close and people getting on and off. A stooped over little lady who was 90 if she was a day approached the elevators and pushed the 'Up' arrow. The door opened and she got on. The door closed. The lights above the door flashed. They flashed some more and the door opened. The most stunning 24-year-old, green-eyed blonde you've ever seen stepped off and went into the lounge. The son looked at his dad. The dad looked at his son for just a second and then said, 'Son, go git yer Ma. '
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Village Idiot Joke
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. You may not drive barefooted. It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty. It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy. Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men. Masks may not be worn in public. Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death. Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. Bear wrestling matches are prohibited. It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile. Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex. Incestous marriages are legal. It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church. You must have windshield wipers on your car. You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time. You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street. It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb. It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday. It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels. It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits. It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses. (Repealed)
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Teeth Joke
What happened when a man fell in love with a grand piano? He said, 'Darling, you've got lovely teeth. '
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Bumper Stickers - 5
It's a wonderful life. . . . With me.
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Christmas Joke - 1
Knock KnockWho's there ?WenceslasWenceslas who ? Wenceslas train home ? Knock KnockWho's there ?SnowSnow who ? Snow business like show business ! Knock KnockWho's there ?WayneWayne who ? Wayne in a manger. . . ! Knock KnockWho's there ?DonutDonut who ? Donut open till Christmas ! Knock KnockWho's there ?OakhamOakham who ? Oakham all ye faithfull. . . ! Knock KnockWho's there ?AveryAvery who ? Avery merry Christmas ! Knock KnockWho's there ?HollyHolly who ? Holly-days are here again ! Knock KnockWho's there ?RudolphRudolph who ? Money is the Rudolph of all evil ! Knock KnockWho's there ?IglooIgloo who ? Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie. . . ! Knock KnockWho's there ?MaryMary who ? Mary Christmas !
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Brother and sister Joke
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. ' Sis, ' he said, 'I wish you'd sing Christmas carols. ' 'That's nice of you, Alfie, ' she replied. 'Why ?' 'Then I'd only have to hear you once a year !'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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